Words are some of the most powerful things, even when they aren’t spoken. I have been blessed with some incredible friends (family really) that despite the frustrating toll communicating with me can take, they have stuck it out, been patient and learned how to love me well. Processing has grown increasingly hard for me over the last few years, especially in this season of many transitions. Regardless, they lovingly ask me questions to help dig deeper or don’t find it strange when I come back three days later saying “Okay, I’m ready to talk.” Few things bring me greater joy then to sit down with dear friends and listen to them pour out their heart about struggles or what the Lord is doing in their lives, however reciprocation on this point for me is often very difficult.
The Lord has put worship music on my heart so much this last month. I have played it constantly. One of my favorite ways to spend time with the Lord is to take my music on a long walk by myself and talk to the Lord about all of the things I can’t conjure up when it is silent. The constancy of these songs have become my prayers and my outlet this month to work through things in my head and communicate them to the Lord in my heart. One of my favorite things I do with one of my best friends is we share the songs that are our current favorites. They speak so much to the processing we are doing and the condition of our heart without having to recreate all of those thoughts when talking is hard.
Someone asked me recently why I feel I see the Lord best when I am serving Him through missions. I realized its because its one of the best avenues to communicate through love. I’m not letting people down because I am unable to immediately process their questions in a deep conversation. I don’t feel a sense of failure when I find it difficult to articulate things the way I mean them. These are the things that make me feel inadequate when I simply want to love people or unable to be God’s hands and feet. I relate so much to Moses in Exodus 4:10 when he tells the Lord that he can’t speak to Pharaoh because he is not eloquent and slow to speak. However, serving the Lord just requires our obedience. I get to be a representative of Christ and give a taste of his love whether that be to someone overseas who doesn’t share my language or in a coffee shop with a girl from Bible Study. For me, the listening and the doing is easy. Sharing is the continued journey.
