Do you want to know the weirdest thing about being home so far? The weirdest thing is how normal home is. Everything about it feels normal. So then I have to question myself and ask, “Did this last year even happen? Did I actually spend a whole month in 11 different countries for a total of 11 months? No. No, it must have been a super weird dream. I didn’t actually share the Gospel with Muslim truckers in Côte d’Ivoire, I didn’t live in 32 different places this year, and I DEFINITELY didn’t hike up a volcano in the Philippines or ride horses in the Andes mountains in Argentina. Nope. Home is far too normal for those things to even be real.”
Welcome to my brain. Well, crazily enough, those things are actually real whether it feels like it or not! I think I expected myself to feel incredibly weird driving my car again or not sure how to interact with my friends and family. I thought I’d feel weird going to my favorite restaurants and driving around Sioux Falls, but pretty much the only thing that’s been hard to adjust to is making sure to throw my toilet paper in the toilet and not the trash can (that took a week or two). And it still amazes me how comfortable a bed can actually be. Truly incredible and i didn’t even know I was missing my bed.
And you know what? I’m glad it hasn’t been super weird. Part of me feels like it’s supposed to be really hard but then I’m also thankful it isn’t (yet at least). This year feels like a dream, but it wasn’t, and I am SO FILLED with thankfulness for the incredible year I had doing life around the world. God was so good to me in allowing me to do that, and sometimes I want to just sit and cry because I am so thankful.
I think the most surprising thing about being home really is the transition phase I’m in. You would think I’d have been prepared for a transition, yet I think I had my heart so set on doing all the things I discovered this year I want to do at home that I forgot I would actually have to take the step to become involved in those things. For the first week or so of being home, I felt weird and off and couldn’t figure out why. Now I think I felt weird because I had expected no “in-between” phase. I for some reason in my mind had already pictured myself discipling people, volunteering with different organizations, and working a job while somehow forgetting I had to find a job, contact the organizations to volunteer, and find the person to disciple me and the person I could disciple. Funny how that works, right?
So after I understood why I was feeling off, I have come to terms with and am content in knowing it will take time. I may not start volunteering with an organization I’m passionate about until 6 months down the road and that’s okay. I still haven’t met with every single person I want to meet with, and that’s okay. I obviously want to get involved quickly, but I’m not going to overcommit myself only to stretch myself too thin working with organizations I’m not even passionate about. I need to figure out my schedule and routine and slowly add in things I know I REALLY want to give my time to. I want to be a good steward of the time I’m given, and as much as I want to do EVERYTHING right NOW, I know that’s not healthy or wise. I have gotten a ton done since being home but often have to stop myself from being too critical and thinking I haven’t done enough. Where I’m at right now is perfectly fine and God will help me continue to slowly add things into my life as I’m ready, and for now, I’m really content with how things are going. God has been so good this whole year and all throughout my transition home (and my whole life too, really). Life is good. God is ridiculously good, and home is all I had hoped for and more. I’ll be able to do the things I can’t wait to do soon enough, and for now, i don’t want to sit around wishing for the next phase of life to come when I have so much to be thankful for RIGHT NOW. it reminds me of the sign hanging in our hosts’ home in Ecuador that says “Be Here Now”. It’s a hard concept to live out sometimes but I want to actively choose to be here now every day, and I hope you choose the same!! We are able to live so much more joyfully and content when we stop wishing for the next phase of life to come. It’s okay to be expectant and hopeful for what’s to come, but we should never let thoughts of the future overtake the amazing blessings God has for us in the present.
***Life update: After looking through different job options and practicing my interview skills like crazy, I have actually decided to return to the tax department at Eide Bailly!!! I wasn’t expecting this, but after praying and thinking about it a LOT, I really feel like that is where I am supposed to be right now, and I’m really excited! I will be working a flexible schedule, which means I will be working 45 hours maximum per week during busy season and 35-40 hours the rest of the year. I am so happy to be going back and am so thankful for the flexibility that will allow me to give quality time to the things I’ve been so excited to come home and do outside of work!!!! I will start the middle of January.
***Also, if you are interested in meeting up to hear more about this last year, i would be so happy to meet with you in person or talk on the phone. Please let me know if you would like to talk, and I’d be happy to schedule something with you!
