How are you supposed to pray? Like what in the world am I supposed to say?? -I used to wonder this alllllll the time growing up. I knew I needed to pray, everyone around me was always constantly praying, and yet I had no clue what in the world I was supposed to say. So, what did I do? I paid critical attention to Pastor Larry, and the way he would pray while everyone was going down to the alter on Sundays. I figured he ought to be a good example to follow. So, I’d close my eyes and let his prayer be mine. He would say things like “God let Your will be done and not mine” or “Lord have your way in me” or “God what is it that you would have me to do?” He would say, “God inhabit me,” “God break these chains that are binding me,” “God do something in me that you’ve never done before.” And so I would blindly say all these things not really even understanding what I was asking for. and as I got older, I’d start picking up on more tactics to follow. “What good is it my brothers if one has faith and not works?” James 2:14. This scripture got me thinking, hmmm… Then I heard it explained that words mean absolutely nothing. You can say whatever you want and it have no effect on anything whatsoever. Without complete belief in your heart, without action steps to support your prayer, without wholeheartedly believing in Jesus and believing in Him to do these things that you’re asking of Him, your prayer is practically empty; so I’d say, God I believe in you, wholeheartedly, I believe you can do all things. I believe there is nothing that You are not capable of. I’ll do what it is that You ask of me.” I’d hear songs about faith and sermons about faith and constantly hear all these things about how we need to increase our faith and so I’d blindly pray and ask God to strengthen my faith in Him, not really knowing what I was asking for, like what is faith??? I just knew that all these God-filled people around me were asking for it and they had awesome lives, they were always joyful. I was always told to wait on the Lord. Like, what??? How in the crud am I supposed to “wait” on the Lord?? WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEANN??? So I’d blindly pray, “Lord, I will wait on you.”
Very, very little did I know that all these blind prayers that I continually prayed for 3+ years would bring about the most incredible life, incredible surroundings, and the most incredible joy.
Life was just peachy a year ago. I had my friends, my family, my church family, my softball teams, everything was great; I was known. Couldn’t be better. As I was living out my cute little life that nothing ever really went wrong in, I was still constantly praying those prayers that were instilled in me. Constantly. I prayed them without ceasing. Sometimes I would pray them and not even realize it, like it’s just what I did, I didn’t think about it, I just did it. I prayed them when I went to sleep, I prayed them when I woke up, I’d pray them over my food before I ate it, I’d pray them on Sundays and Wednesdays at church. I prayed the crud out of those prayers, still halfway confused on what it even was that I was praying.
Then fast-forward to Junior year. My mom had always talked about moving. Not necessarily 5 hours away from everything we knew, but moving out of the house we were in. Junior year, around Christmas time, she kept saying we were moving and I never really believed her because I’d been hearing those words since like 4th grade so I was just like whatever. But no, her words, whether she even ever actually believed them or not, came true. and I still didn’t believe them until we were unpacking our house. Our house where everything was great. Great neighbors, school across the street, family around the corner. We didn’t have a care in the world at that house. It was like everything just fell into our lap. Living there was easy. We were comfortable.
And so here we are, 5 hours and 38 minutes away from what we thought our lives would be forever. Far from comfort. In complete isolation. Alone surrounded by tons of people.
Good Lord. Those dad-gum prayers that I had prayed for 3 years finally decided to be manifested. God had been waited on. He took every single prayer that I had prayed for those three years and brought them to life. “Then when you call on Me and come and pray to Me, I will listen to you.” Jeremiah 29:12. *God speaking,* “you want my will to be done in your life? okay, wait for my time.” “You want me to have My way in you? Okay, just wait until the time has come.” “You want me to do something in you that I have NEVER done before?? My timing kiddo, just wait on me.” “You want me to strengthen your faith?? Okay but I’m going to have to throw you out in deep waters as the test. You’re either going to sink or trust me to pull you out.”
That’s exactly what He did. And boy I did not take it well at first. I had to go through some stuff before I realized what was going on. I have been shown things I’ve never seen before and have felt feelings that I have never felt before. All in the last 11 months. I didn’t even believe in the majority of the things that I went through. I thought people just needed a label to put on their excuse of not living right. No way. Those feelings, those mental blockages and illnesses are real. And I never want to feel them again. Ever. It took me a solid month until I accepted the fact that this is where I’m going to be for the next chunk of my life. There’s no way out. So, sitting on the balcony of an airbnb in Westport, MO, I took my life out of my hands and placed it back into God’s. He let me see that I can’t handle this on my own. He let me get a taste of a life that isn’t peachy. He let me figure out for myself that I will not be joyful if I try to control what’s happening. So, I gave it up. I said, “God forgive me. God forgive me for thinking You brought me here to leave me by myself. to rot. God forgive me for sinking in these deep waters. Forgive me for being of little faith. Forgive me for not trusting that You know what You’re doing. God, I am so sorry. God, forgive me.” And He said “Welcome Home Jaynna. I’ve missed you so much. I’m so glad you’re back. I forgive you. I love you. Trust me on what I’m doing.” And from that point on, I have fallen so deeply in love with Jesus Christ. I am so utterly full of love, of joy, of absolute peace. I love my life. Since that night, I have not one time felt lonely. not one time. I have no one to hangout with, no friends, no family, just me, my mom, my pup, and my God and I wouldn’t trade that for the world. never did I think I’d be actually happy again. I am so grateful for how wrong I was about everything. I am so so happy. I am thankful that I’m not the one in charge of my life. I’m so glad God let me see that I am completely worthless on my own. This has been the absolute best year of my entire life.
Everything that has happened leading up to this point in my life has been to prepare me for the WorldRace. He even sent me on a small mission trip to Mexico and I still had no clue what He was doing. He has been planting seeds in me for 3 years and I have been nothing but oblivious. Someone said something to me about 2 months ago and it wasn’t until then that I realized that every single thing I prayed for, every blind prayer, God heard. Not a single one of my prayers was looked over. It’s like I have to be slapped in the face to realize what God is doing. It’s awesome.
He taught me how to wait on Him. He taught me what faith is. He assured me that I am never alone. So, please pay close attention to what you’re praying for because He may just answer the very thing you ask for. It’ll be in His way and His doing, but take heart because He hears every. single. one. You are not looked over. He cares for you.
