I am not worth it.
Oh how those words are stained across my heart. Worth stares at me in the soul and tells me I’m not good enough. I’m not good enough for people. I’m not good enough to be on the mission field. And I’m not good enough for Him.
For the past couple years I’ve struggled with the idea that I’m worth it for God. Like how could a God so good and clean, touch something so dirty? What makes me worthy of being loved by a holy God? What makes me worthy of His time? He has so much to think about, so why does He choose think about me?
I often tell this to myself, then I read scripture and it usually says something different. It tells me I’m created in His image, I am his holy nation, I am crowned as his royal priesthood. He tells me I am his handiwork and his beloved. I hear it, but it doesn’t make sense.
Seriously. Why am I created in his image? Why am I his holy nation? Why am I crowned as his royal priesthood? You see I don’t necessarily feel worthy of being crowned. Someone that is crowned should be a little more valiant. A little stronger, with less mess ups in there lives. They shouldn’t fail.
I stumbled upon all of these thoughts and questions the other day. And it got me really stuck. I prayed, I read, I journaled. I cried out to God and that’s when something amazing happened: He spoke. He gave me Ephesians 1:4.
Even as He chose ME in him before the foundation of the world, that I should be holy and blameless before him.
He chose me? When did he choose me? Was it during all of my mistakes and shortcomings? Was it when I sinned? Or was it when I started doing good things for the Lord?
No, he chose me me way before that. He chose me before the foundation of the world. Before there was my sin. Before there was my shortcomings. Before there was any reminisce of evil in the world. He chose me when there was only good. When there was only holiness. When there was only Him.
The Lord chooses me, not because of anything I do, but because when he looks at me, He only sees himself. He sees His goodness, His holiness, His perfection. When he looks at me, He calls me worthy, anoints me and gives me a crown. You see my worth has nothing to do with me, but EVERYTHING to do with Him. My worth was settled before He even created me.
My worth should never be questioned. To question my worth is to question God’s holiness. I am worth it and I no longer walk around in shame. But I walk around holy and blameless because I am the reflection of He who is good, who is perfect, who is life.
So everyday I choose be to worth it. I worship him. Because He is Worthy of it All, and I am also Worthy of it all.
