Numb. It is Launch, it is worship night (again, because that’s—almost?—every night), and I feel numb inside.
God, what is going on with our relationship?? You feel distant, and I don’t feel like worshiping You.
I suddenly realize how self-conscious I am: my hands are out in a stifled worship posture—palms up, close to my waistline. Forbid that I give anyone the false impression that I’m having an awesome encounter with God, a heart overflowing with worship for Him… I don’t feel like it, and I don’t want to be disingenuous.
I remember a moment ten years ago when—after working for some time to get me to doubt my salvation, to doubt that God wanted me anymore—my enemy suggested I find a new god to worship, one who would love me. I thought about it—to whom would I go? Then I said no. NO, because I’d know any other god is false, and I can’t reject the Truth. Even if God condemns me, He is just—I have sinned against Him. Even if He condemns me, I will read His Word, worship Him, and pray to Him. I eventually heard again the whisper of hope, peace, and love from the One God who loves me, the One I love. God will never leave me nor forsake me, even if it feels like it for a season.
I realize I don’t want to worship God because I feel like it. (Sometimes I do feel like it, thankfully!) I don’t want to be ruled by my feelings, which change and deceive: I want to be ruled by the Most High King, Almighty God who does not change like shifting shadows, and I get to choose.
So, I choose Him: I thrust my hands up high in the air—who cares what others think?? This isn’t about me or them. This is about Him, and He is worthy of worship, glory, honor, and praise. Worthy is the Lamb! Holy, holy, holy is He!
And my heart beats afresh as the numbness starts to thaw.
Psalm 27:1, 14
“The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the defense of my life; Whom shall I dread? …. Wait for the Lord; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord.”
Ephesians 6:11, 12, 17
“11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. …. 17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.”
John 6:67-69
“So Jesus said to the twelve, ‘You do not want to go away also, do you?’ Simon Peter answered Him, ‘Lord, to whom shall we go? You have words of eternal life. We have believed and have come to know that You are the Holy One of God.’”
Deuteronomy 6:4-5, 13-15
“Hear, O Israel! The Lord is our God, the Lord is one! You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might…. You shall fear only the Lord your God; and you shall worship Him and swear by His name. You shall not follow other gods, any of the gods of the peoples who surround you, for the Lord your God in the midst of you is a jealous God; otherwise the anger of the Lord your God will be kindled against you, and He will wipe you off the face of the earth.”
John 14:6
“Jesus said to him, ‘I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father but through Me.’”
Deuteronomy 31:8
“‘The Lord is the one who goes ahead of you; He will be with you. He will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.’”
Hebrews 13:5-6
“….for He Himself has said, ‘I will never desert you, nor will I ever forsake you,’ so that we confidently say, ‘The Lord is my helper, I will not be afraid. What will man do to me?’”
Hebrews 13:8
“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.”
Jeremiah 17:9
“The heart is more deceitful than all else and is desperately sick; Who can understand it?”
Psalm 47:2
“For the Lord Most High is to be feared, a great King over all the earth.”
James 1:17
“Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow.”
Joshua 24:14-15
“Now, therefore, fear the Lord and serve Him in sincerity and truth; and put away the gods which your fathers served beyond the River and in Egypt, and serve the Lord. If it is disagreeable in your sight to serve the Lord, choose for yourselves today whom you will serve: whether the gods which your fathers served which were beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you are living; but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.”
Galatians 1:10
“For am I now seeking the favor of men, or of God? Or am I striving to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a bond-servant of Christ.”
Matthew 6:13
“‘….[For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen.’]”
Revelation 4:8
“And the four living creatures, each one of them having six wings, are full of eyes around and within; and day and night they do not cease to say, ‘Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God, the Almighty, who was and who is and who is to come.’”
Psalm 7:17
“I will praise the LORD according to His righteousness: and will sing praise to the name of the LORD most high.”
Psalm 63:4
“So I will bless You as long as I live; I will lift up my hands in Your name.”
