It has been around three weeks since I said “see you later” to my family on FaceTime. During my week of debrief God gave me the feeling of abandoning my life back home for awhile. Through this He gave me a vision of my teammates sitting at a coffee shop all FaceTiming their families, while I sat at a table alone opening a Bible and having a conversation with Him. Taking time away from having conversations with my family to be present here with my Lord and my team, to process all the experiences and emotions happening with me before attempting to go to my family with them. These past weeks I have been missing my food, my comfortable bed, and most my family and the normalcy of life back home. But here, not talking to them, I feel like God is making me new, He has started setting about my life and myself independent from that of my family. Don’t get me wrong I love them and will always be apart of their lives but this is my time to develop my own life and find out who I am. I have been getting caught up in scripture and God has just been building me up through words immensely. He has been continually revealing my worth, unknown strength I have, purpose, and just that I DO have the potential to grow and to spread the good news of the Lord. At feedback this week I received the word “chosen” a word from God through my teammate. “Chosen to be here, chosen to love on these kids.” God has already said I am strong enough for this when He called me here. Another instance of God working throughout this time was that I shared my testimony for the first time ever with my team!! It took me awhile to open up, it was hard, emotional, raw, and so relieving. Right before sharing my testimony God gave me a drawing of a crown. Days later I got the sayings “rich in my love” and “my princess.” I start each day asking the Lord “who I am” and “how do you see me?” I love to simply sit in His presence and wait for a reply by Him that makes my paths clear or gives me such peace and joy. Worship is my number one way to connect with the Lord. Each day I tend to listen to the songs You Say, Seasons, and New Wine. They all explain what I am experiencing and what God is making me realize! I highly recommend giving them a listen!
Not talking to my family has been difficult but a good difficult. It has been a new challenge in my journey, God grows us the most in midst of challenge. It has allowed me to begin to bloom as an independent woman firm in her faith, herself, and her walk with her Heavenly Father. I have given so much to God and have seen so much good come out of laying everything at His feet. I have began being intentional in relationship and He has not only shown up but shown me more than expected. Even today He made himself evident to me. Prior to leaving I wanted a yellow bracelet to go with my others and today my teacher gave me a yellow bracelet as a gift. I don’t think she is a believer but God sure did work through her. I wondered if it was an act from the father, so I asked if He would reassure me, expecting nothing because I have never experienced God in that way. Many people on my race introduced me to objects being signs of God and earlier this week I got the idea of a butterfly to represent the Lord and Him reassuring me. I was sitting on the bench during break and what do you know one of my students shows me a butterfly sticker. Wow was God making Himself evident in my life and showing His care for me! That yellow bracelet now stands for Gods faithfulness and His joyful presence always.
I also have just come to such an appreciation for my family. The love, care, and encouragement each family member carries is so overwhelming and comforting. My brothers are truly the craziest beings I have ever met, I accept and love that craziness because it makes them who they are and definitely gives the family entertainment but they also have a shy, gentle, kind side that I adore. My sister, I could go on forever, she is the most beautiful, intelligent, funny, vibrant spirited, honest, and trustworthy person I know. She is my best friend. My mom is my biggest supporter and the person I take everything to ,while my dad is the most hilarious person, wise, and reassures me with everything in my life. I miss them dearly but God is continually reassuring me Himself, that this is where I am meant to be and where I will further my faith and discover who He says I am. He brought me here for a reason.
Although this was a hard choice for me, it was the right choice to open my eyes to where He has brought me, what I am doing here, and who I am becoming!
