A few weeks ago, while I was serving at La Montaña Christian Camp, my leader came and told me someone was on the phone for me. I went up to the office and called my mom to find out that my grandma wasn’t doing so good. She was crying on the other side of the phone telling me she wanted to find a way for me to come home. I started to stress because the race has been one of the best journeys of my life and I thought that if I went home, I’d have to end it a month away from the end. I was torn because I wanted to go home to be with my family and say goodbye to my grandma, but I also knew I wasn’t ready to say goodbye to the race. I prayed to God for clarity and He just brought it to my mind to book a round-trip flight.
I called my mom after a busy day at camp and told her she could book a round-trip ticket home and then back to Costa Rica in a week. I was so nervous to go home, but I busied myself at camp to avoid feeling my true feelings. Taylor, my leader, kept telling me that I needed to take some time to process but I simply didn’t want to think about it, and I felt like I had peace. Honestly, I think I had peace because I wasn’t surrounded by the emotions of the situation and could easily busy myself with other things. So, I went through the week of camp and had so much fun. It was honestly the best week of the race for me because of the intentionality of the other staff at the camp. I got so close to a lot of them and made great, long-lasting friendships. And then reality struck.
I went home from camp and let my squad in on the news of my grandma and that I was going home. They all prayed over me and then I left the next morning at 4 am for the airport. At the airport, I had lots of time to process and found myself in tears a lot while waiting for my flight. I was still really nervous about going home because I felt like I wanted to hide out of reality and pretend none of it was happening. But, the Lord kept reminding me that I didn’t want to lose the opportunity to say goodbye to my grandma and to spend this precious time with her. So, I cried it out with God while everyone in the airport thought I needed real help and then hopped on my plane to the United States of America.
First of all, it was weird stepping foot back in American soil. People spoke English everywhere, I had to remember I could flush the toilet paper, and I had to stop speaking simple Spanish phrases to people because they obviously didn’t speak Spanish. Second, as weird as it was, being with family and friends felt natural. I was anticipating returning home at the end of the race because I saw it as a huge reunion. However, with the circumstances, it was much weirder. I returned home and spent lots of time with family and enjoyed every moment. I was so content being home for awhile, but then I started to miss the race and my people. It’s funny because we always want what we don’t currently have. On the race, I was excited to go home for most of it and then when I was home I wanted to go back to the race. I want to get used to being content where I’m at in life. God has put me in this amazing season with Him on the race and I don’t want to wish it away from clean clothes and to pick what I eat.
God has each of us in a season and as much as I learned in the season of going home for a week, I knew my journey with the race wasn’t done yet. God has revealed to me my discontentment at times and the selfish heart I have. He has me somewhere and has something to teach me always, but if I always wish seasons away, I will miss the learning within.
*Sorry for lack of blogs… I’ve been slacking
