As someone who grew up with very thick, curly hair, the phrase “I’m gonna shave my head” came out of my mouth on the regular — especially during the summer. But it was never said with a lot of seriousness… until I went to training camp for the Race.
I think it was day 2 of training camp when I told my teammates that I was going to shave my head on this trip, and I was *confident* of that. I didn’t know when, really, but I knew it was going to happen.
Week 1 in Nicaragua, a few of us were sitting / laying on the floor waiting for dinner and I casually said “who wants to cut my dreads out right now?”. And then 2 of my teammates cut half of my hair off on the floor of our bathroom and that was that. I could have done the rest of my head then, but decided not to because it didn’t feel like the right time.
I actually just covered my bald head with my long hair for over a week before anyone else on my team noticed… and people would ask when I was going to shave the rest.
Why was I so confident about shaving my head?
My whole life I’ve held most of my value and my identity in my hair. That’s how people recognized me in a crowd. From 5th grade, when I got a disaster haircut, up until 2 weeks ago, I refused to get my hair cut more than just a trim. I went over a year without cutting it. I had an unhealthy relationship with my hair… not my outward appearance necessarily, just specifically my hair. I had never really felt a need to beak that thought pattern, people in my life even told me that I wouldn’t still be Erin if I changed my hair drastically.
And I believed that… until about a month before I left on the World Race. And that only solidified as the trip started and I learned about what the Lord says about me and who the Lord says I am. None of which has anything to do with my hair, or my appearance, at all. I wanted to feel confident in myself regardless of what I looked like, I wanted to be able to see beauty beyond my long, wavy hair.
Fast forward to the first week of March. We were up in the mountains somewhere in the middle of Costa Rica at this conference called “the Awakening” which is basically a 3 day gathering of World Racers who are in the same area of the world, organized by Adventures in Missions, to empower and encourage each other with stories from their time on the field, teaching breakouts, prayer, and worship. The Awakening wrecked me, in the best way. I drew nearer to the Father than ever before in a 24 hour time period… maybe I’ll write a blog just about that soon.
Our first morning on the mountain, a lovely girl named Katie got up on stage to share a testimony about why she shaved her head. As soon as she started talking I felt like someone 100% understood my relationship with my hair… and I knew it was time. I would shave my head that day if someone had clippers to do it… so I went and told her my story and my desire to shave my head and she said “so what’s stopping you” and long story short 2 hours later my friend from another team shaved my head with beard trimmers I borrowed from a guy named Zach.
I expected to cry at some point during this process, because I’ve always been VERY attached to my hair. But I didn’t shed a tear. I felt free. In too many ways to say. I felt excitement and confidence and j o y.
I feel the most myself I ever have. It took approximately 10 seconds for me to get used to my new look. I would actually recommend that everyone shaves their head / drastically changes their hair at least once in their life. It’s liberating.
And that’s the story of me shaving my head at this place called La Montaña.
all pictures taken by my leader Ky <3
