Wow. What a week. 3 days of Training Camp (TC), 1 travel day, and 4 days in Nicaragua. It’s been an intense and beautiful time, + makes me so excited for the months to come.
I LOVE MY TEAM. I have the best leaders, Ky + Kristine, who love us all so well— from day 1!! All 16 of us are the weirdest people I have ever met and I 100% would not want it any other way.
The Lord has been present in a completely new way for me… from night 1 in Georgia, all the way to now living on an island in the middle of a lake; every day has been filled with this knowing that He is working in and through me. My heart has been opened to so much, and transformed in ways I didn’t know were possible to happen in such a short amount of time. I can physically feel the healing that is happening to my spirit.
Before TC, I had a really messy (in a not good way) relationship with God. I questioned His goodness and His existence and often would wonder “God where ARE you???”… all while He was asking me the exact same thing. During worship the first night was when I really realized how much doubt I had, and how desperately I wanted to fully trust God again. For the first time in almost a year, the walls I had put up started coming down, and was able to say/sing/proclaim “God, You are GOOD.” And mean it.
Day 2 we had a session about listening to God, and just sitting in silence in His presence. This was something I had never really done with an intention of *hearing* from the Lord, so it was uncomfortable at first, but it’s actually becoming my favorite thing. To just sit in the Father’s presence, because He just wants to be in proximity with us. He wants us to come closer.
In my time sitting with the Lord that day, I prayed He would give me a word for this season— these 3 months and also for this year. Before I even had even fully turned off the chatter in my brain, I saw/heard the word “FREEDOM”. And since then it’s come up EVERYWHERE. A phrase the leaders say a lot is “be free”, about random silly things and also about spiritual, empowering things. I have a giving key I’ve had for years that says it. So I’ve been sitting with this word for a week now, contemplating what it means for me.
I was asked by a few people what the Lord could be wanting me to walk in freedom from, and as soon as the question was asked I knew it was my anxiety. And shame I have from my past. After sharing my heart with people on my team, I can already feel growth in that area; and as I find nearness to God, I’m finding more freedom. From anxiety and fear and shame and a lot of other things that are straight up lies from the enemy.
The last night of Training Camp during worship, I felt the most freedom, and the most peace, I had ever felt in my life. I felt like I belonged. Not only where I was physically but also that I belonged close to God. That He rejoices when I rejoice and He grieves with me when I grieve. (Thanks new friends who have spoken that to me multiple times). That He LOVES me and He is FOR ME. This first week has just solidified all of those feelings of love, grace and forgiveness from the Father.
And you want to know the coolest thing about it all? YOU BELONG CLOSE TO HIM TOO. He loves YOU and is for YOU. He laughs, cries, celebrates and mourns with you, too.
Clinging to the freedom that is only found in Christ. Believing it for whoever is reading this, too, because He wants you to walk in freedom.
p.s. the song that was playing while I posted this was “Whole Heart (Hold Me Now)“ by Hillsong UNITED. Fitting. Go listen.
