First of all, I am sorry for not updating you guys in a while! The last few weeks have been very busy. My squad and I spent 5 days in Baños, Ecuador, debriefing the first full month of ministry and resting. After that, we spent 5 days working at a ministry in the mountains just outside of Quito. We spent the 5 days moving bricks in order to build a wall around a property that will soon be a home to girls rescued from human trafficking and abuse. But, over the course of the last few weeks, the Lord has been teaching me a lot about obedience- saying “okay” even when I don’t necessarily want to.
A few weeks ago at ministry, 3 of my teammates and I put on an event in which women share their story through painting (it was so amazing and the Lord did some sweet things, many of the women shared parts of their life stories with us!). All of the women attending were mothers, and a few even brought their small babies. During the event, one baby was particularly fussy, and he kept squirming and crying. This meant that his mom could not fully focus on painting as she had to try and keep him quiet. My leader mentioned to me and my teammates that if we felt comfortable we could offer to hold the babies to help the moms be able to focus on sharing their story through painting.
When I first heard my leader mention holding the babies I thought “no way”. I was filled with doubts. Some of my thoughts were:
“I don’t even know enough Spanish to ask to help her with her baby…”
“What if I hold him and he starts crying and distracting the women even more?”
“What if the mom gets offended by me asking to help?”
“What if I drop him?!?”
Yah, lots of doubts. But, I felt that feeling. That tug on your heart, the slight pounding in your chest. The feeling when you know what you need to do, but don’t necessarily want to do it. The feeling of the Holy Spirit knocking, calling you to say yes to his command.
So, I ultimately said okay. My leader told me how to ask in Spanish to hold the baby, and I held him! His name was Jonathan, and we walked around the room and he watched his mom paint. And guess what?!
He didn’t cry, I didn’t drop him, and the mom was grateful that she could be fully present in painting her story.
Throughout the last several months of my life, especially the last few weeks, I have felt the Lord asking me to be obedient in several different things- some of which are easy to say yes to and some of which are hard to say yes to. But, the thing I have learned over the last few weeks is that saying “I am unsure and don’t really want to do this, but okay God” has lead to greater intimacy with the Lord. It has lead to being able to hear him more clearly and understand him more deeply. I have learned that obedience in the small things leads to greater freedom- greater freedom because operating in obedience is operating in my true identity in Him. Operating in obedience is my duty as a daughter of the King of Kings, and when I live a life of obedience I am fully living out who I am called to be.
Ultimately, I don’t always say “okay” to the Lord. Sometimes I say yes with joy and sometimes I am disobedient and say no, but the Lord is continuing to grow and change me with each command and call. I am not perfect; no where close in fact. But thankfully I have a Father who is perfect and who is continually growing and shaping me with each passing day.
