Surrender
So Sunday Jan 6 I got out of shoreline church in Antigua (first time going to church on the race) and during the amazing word God gave me a vision. I was standing on a line and behind me was darkness and in front of me was light and Jesus standing in it. Black Lines like fishing line were connected to the back of me and were trying to pull me into the dark, I was fighting with all my strength as Jesus was watching and I finally reach out a hand and say “help me” with tears in my eyes. As soon as I said that his hand is grasping my hand and the lines dissipate. And he embraces me, I couldn’t even stand let alone hold back my tears as he was embracing me.
After replaying the vision over and over in my head I felt God telling me that he will set me free of my past agreements and addictions. I felt him saying that I need to stop trying to set myself free on my own. For 8 years I have been trapped in a bondage that now in this day and age, our culture says is natural and encouraged. I feel I’ve tried every approach there is to rid myself of these chains, I’ve prayed to the Lord so many times for him to set me free. I’ve studied the enemy’s tactics, I’ve tried to run, I’ve tried to fight, I’ve sought wise council from multiple leaders in my life, I felt that I was just not fighting hard enough. I know that I cannot win this war by my strength. If God is calling me to surrender fully to him, what does it mean to fully surrender? Now I tend to answer my own questions sometimes mid thought so as I was thinking of the question some answers came to mind. Fasting was one of them, considering I’ve never really done a fast before I suppose it’s not a bad idea to try. The Bible even tells how to fast WHEN we fast, not IF we fast. When I was in the states I “fasted” playing my ps4 for like 2 weeks so I could focus on reading my Bible instead. I’m not sure if that counts honestly. But that was something that God brought into my head as a step. Half of me is like “A fast? Do you know how much muscle and weight you can lose by fasting? You need to eat as much as you can if you wanna stay in shape for boxing, especially since your on the race. Calories calories calories.”. Then the other half of me is like “You know that you need to fast. You know the power of it, you know that if the Lord calls us to do it there is always a great benefit, for he has our best interests in mind.” I’ve been in the Old Testament lately cause I told myself I’m gonna read the entire bible before the race is over, right now I’m in Deuteronomy, I be reading on how people like Moses be fasting for 40 days and 40 nights and I’m just like…HOW. I eat a lot, and I mean a lot, maybe this is why the Lord is constantly bringing up fasting in the first place because he knows how much I love food. I don’t know. I know I need to fast but, I guess it’s my flesh that’s trying to stop me. But what is food compared to the plans God has for my life? I can get food anytime I want you know? Not like it’s a scarce thing. Well in conclusion, now that I’m at mid point debrief, I’ll be starting my 24hr fast tomorrow. Peace
