I have never felt like I was completely surrendering because I wasn’t willing to let go of being in control of everything in my life. Just when I’m sure I’ve got a hold on this crazy life and try to carry everything on my own shoulders, the enemy creeps in to kick me down again. We aren’t meant to carry things alone!
Before leaving for Africa I was doing everything I could to prepare; Prepare for the trip and for the race. I found myself trying to do it all, at once, and on my own. Ordinary task even started to look like burdens that hovered over and overwhelmed me. (NO is not a word I know how to use often)
Weeks flew by and by until one day it all hit me at once in the form of an anxiety attack. This wasn’t something that I had ever experienced before. We post things on social media about it and we even use the word lightly about situations in our lives. But this, this was not to be taken lightly.
I had a full blown anxiety attack.
I pulled over; clammy hands, tears at a steady flow, pressure on my chest. I cried out to God once I could catch my breath, but no answers so I bottled up those feelings once again and only spoke of it to two close friends (until now).
I left for Africa with excitement and a willing heart, but if I am being honest I did not feel ready. I had all of those fears and stressors still hidden away. I knew I was sent to serve, but how can someone so broken take on such a heavy purpose?
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Fast forward to our flight delay, running across the NY airport, missing flights, and talks of going HOME.
….a calling, money raised, countless prayers, and now we may just go home!? Our Pastor was trying to get answers, staff members looking up other flights, and there I was, almost in tears, pacing back and forth headphones in praying for answers.
It wasn’t until I sat down to rest that I heard what I needed to hear. After chatting with a mentor of mine on the trip she said something that stuck with me.
She said to me, “You were obedient. Sometimes that’s all He ask of us and He takes care of the rest”. We may not know why, but sometimes our part stops after we take the step in obedience; What God decides to do next may be out of our control.
There’s that word again CONTROL, but this time I wasn’t so fearful to hand it over to Him. He gave me this verse and then His peace hit me like a cool summer breeze.
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” Philippians 4:6-7
“The peace of God…which transcends all understanding”; transcend means to go beyond the limits. So His peace goes beyond the limits of ALL understanding! Woah.
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Oh yeah did I mention we made it to Africa!? We made it and there were even a few other hiccups in our plan, but not once was I anxious. Now that I’m home His peace has stayed with me. I had it all wrong from the start; I was focused on and letting the small details defeat me when I should have been focused on the reason I was called in the first place.
And today that calling is to share with you that the same peace I am promised, you are also promised!
