Chilly weather, fuzzy socks, strong coffee, cozy sweater, and warm lamp lighting. The amount of peace I have within me, it’s overwhelming.
What do you do when your mind is there but your heart isn’t?
What do you do when there’s a gap between your head and your heart?
There’s this phrase all throughout the Bible, wait on the Lord.
Waiting on the Lord isn’t easy by any means. I know this to be true because there’s a verse in Psalms 42 where is describes how difficult it is, David is literally in a fight with himself. I picture him screaming and tearing himself up because he can’t get his heart to get to where his mind is. he’s yelling at himself “Why can’t I buy into to this? Why is my soul so distraught? God why do you allow me to sit here and constantly be reminded of what I know, but can’t get my heart to understand and believe in it too?”
But that’s just it.
In order for us to get our hearts to connect with our minds we have to position ourselves under the weight of God’s grace, and wait. Nowhere in the Bible does it say, “I have to strive so that I can make it there by pushing the thoughts and pain away”. Nowhere in there does it say, “I need to work harder”. Nowhere in there does it say, “I need to pretend that whatever I’m going through isn’t happening”. Nowhere in there does it say, “I can make it there on my own.”
I’m embarrassed to say this has been me for the past year and a half, and dear God does it feel good to finally say, feel, and understand what it means to truly be still and wait on the Lord.
“They who wait on the Lord will rise up. They will not be weary.”
While I was living in the jungle I challenged/ felt that I should be just as blunt and honest with God as I am with others. I began my devotions by laying all of my feelings, thoughts, wants, fears, and concerns out before God.
I haven’t done that in years. I’ve kept myself from being honest with God because I was fearful that once He saw and heard me cry, He would leave me there, alone.
So, I’m sitting down every morning, laying everything out in front of the Lord, talking to Him like He was an old friend. I begin to take small steps of faith. I believed that whatever I was telling Him, He was hearing and He was feeling the pain I carried. Not long after being honest with Him I began to feel at peace. I became excited to sit down and talk to Him. If I forgot to do a devo in the morning I found myself missing Him.
While being in the jungle (some of you already know) I didn’t have cell service which didn’t leave me any reason to be on social media, but as soon as I got Wifi I’m sad to say I checked it. Once I checked my social media I stumbled upon a picture that would have (in the past) made me rethink one of the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make, but instead of being overwhelmed with grief and pain I got this overwhelming sense of peace. Through seeing this certain picture, God spoke into me, “Beloved you miss the idea of this, but you don’t actually miss him. You miss what you thought you had and I’m ready to give you what you deserve, what you “had” hurt you far too much and it’s time for Me to redeem what has been broken within you.”
LIKE WHAT!
How freaking cool is our God????
In the past, if I were to see certain pictures it would bring me down into this spiral of sadness, anger and self-worthlessness, but now, because I was faithful and listened to what God asked of me, I stopped striving to make my heart understand what my mind already knew and I waited in the presence of the Lord.
God healed the brokenness within my heart!
All I had to do was sit at His feet, tell Him all the things that have and were causing me pain, tell Him how I was angry and sad, tell Him how I desperately wanted my heart to be free of sadness, tell Him how I wanted to be able to dream like a child again, tell Him how I wanted to have the sparkle back in my eyes.
Y’all it took me one and a half years to realize that what God says He will do, He will do…. He told me that if I sat at His feet and leaned on Him and not my own understanding, He would bring me healing and peace. Which He did!
He told me that I’m not the Defender of my heart because He is. And guess what, He’s freaking great at it.
He told me that He wouldn’t take something out of my life unless He intended to replace it with something better, and guess what, I’m actually looking forward to that day now!
He told me He was faithful and good, it just took me a while to see that what He said was true.
When It comes to the healing of a broken heart there is no way we as humans can fix it in a way that leaves us with overwhelming peace. The only way to get our minds and hearts to be in the same place at the same time is by giving ourselves fully over to the Lord and waiting in His presence. The word wait carries a heavy vibe to it, but let me tell you, when I was waiting for the Lord to redeem what was broken within me was far better than when I was trying to strive at everything I did to give me some kind of satisfaction and peace.
Our God wouldn’t leave us to suffer in the waiting season if He wasn’t planning on repaying us times a thousand.
Our God is good.
He’s the same God today as He was yesterday and same God that was willing to die for us.
If y’all have any questions feel free to contact me. I’d love to hear from y’all.
~Chooch
