On September 20th, 2017, I remember coming home from school ugly crying into the kitchen.
As I stumbled my way to the table I began to cry out to God, asking Him to set me free from all the heartbreak I had been experiencing that year. Asking Him why He would allow me to feel so alone and unwanted. Asking Him why He always asked me to do the hard things, and received nothing but rejection from others after obeying what He had asked me to do.
I got to the point where I started to question what I wanted to do with my life. I knew I loved to travel, I knew I loved helping people, I knew I loved kids, and I knew I wanted Jesus to be in the center of it all.
So, what did I do next?
Like any other emotional teenager would do I got on social media and ranted about my feelings… dumb, right???
Well it happened…
I got on Instagram and posted a picture I had taken when I was in a plane flying home from Younglife Workcrew. In the caption, I expressed how I so badly wanted to get away from where I was and to go see the world while learning new ways of life.
As I was sitting there feeling sorry for myself I remembered a verse in Isaiah 58 which says
“Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—when you see the naked, to clothe them, and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood? Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear;then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard.”
After rereading the verses in Isaiah, I thought to myself maybe if I get out of myself and go see what true heartbreak and suffering is, then maybe God will restore healing within me while I’m pouring out to those who have nothing.
I soon changed my thought process to “God, why did you allow” to “God, what do I do next”.
Perhaps God allowed me to experience rejection, loneliness, heartbreak and being told I’m unworthy of love so that I can connect with others who have felt or been told the same thing.
I took a moment to pray and asked God to search my heart.
I asked Him to look past my hurting heart and see that I truly wanted to do what He had next for me.
I openly told Him that I wanted to get out of myself and see what true suffering and heartbreak looked like.
I asked Him to take me places I hadn’t yet gone before so that I could know Him better.
And asked Him to allow me to go wherever it may be so that I could live out Isaiah 58:7-8.
It’s now September 22, 2018, and I’m living In Quito Ecuador.
What started as a prayer turned into my reality. I prayed that God would take me places I hadn’t been before. I asked Him to allow me to live out Isaiah 58:7-8, which I am.
I’m getting to serve and love on people who have been forgotten. I’m getting to hold little babies and wash the elderly’s hands. Clothing those who have nothing but scraps on their backs, and feeding the homeless and hungry. Greeting them with smiles and kisses.
I never thought God would allow me to do something so big and meaningful. Before I started my Race, I remember asking God why He wouldn’t send me anywhere to do ministry.
I kept applying for different missionary positions with different organizations. I had applied for Mission of Hope Haiti and for Pais movement but was left empty handed.
Although I was sad in the moment of not getting accepted, I’m thankful God closed those doors (although it seemed like a hard slam) and forced me to lean on HIS will and HIS timing. Thankfully He did, because without it, I wouldn’t be living in Ecuador today.
I’m hopeful that through this year of serving and getting out of myself God will break my heart for what breaks His, and will restore my heart for what is true, pure, and lovely.
~Chooch
