Well hey everyone!
I do apologize for the lack of post but it’s been a crazy few months and WiFi is about as reliable as weather channel predictions.
I’m going to go backwards starting with a story from my PVT (Parent Vision Trip). This was the week where about half of the squad parents came onto the field and lived with us Racers and did Ministry with us.
It was amazing having my mom there but also difficult. Of course we cried a lot, caught up on life, had some hard conversations and exchanged goodies (mainly my mom bringing me caffeine, Jellybeans, a clean water bottle and new shoes). We had a lot of fun conversations with all the different parents and letting them pay for things because, you know, us Racers are broke.
Then the hard stuff started.The Lord asked me to share part of my testimony with the group, parts my mom had not even heard yet. Things I’ve struggled with in my past and the hardest part of the race for me, knowing God is my Father and how He loves me. But it was a really cool experience and let me tell you, obedience really is the best way when it comes to the Lord.
I thought my hard part of PVT was over the first night and now we can have fun.
Well, that usually means it’s not. It was only the beginning.
So now you got some idea, here’s the story.
Our Ministry for my team and our parents were to go out to a carepoint, a program set up for children to keep them out of trouble, to feed them, and to teach them all kinds of things, you know, like about the Lord. We had been working at the same carepoint for the week and we were building cool relationships with the cooks and the children were beginning to recognize us and it was overall a cool experience.
For many of us, this was the first time doing missions alongside our parents. It was fun to watch our parents try to catch on to how our lives have been for the last nine months and we quickly realized how long we have actually been away from home. I think many parents finally understood the joy we found in what we do on the World Race but also why every time we call home we are spent and tired.
So the second day I was playing soccer with a few of the kids while my mom was helping with another game. I remember my friend Sage calling out for me and pointed over to the other side of the field. I saw a group huddled around someone and I ran over.
My mom had gotten injured, pulling her hamstring. We sat out the rest of the day to try to loosen the muscle but the pain was still too much. She could not walk, even with support. At the end of the day, we got everyone into the car and I got in the back frustrated with the Lord. All I could ask was why? Why God can’t we just catch a break?
I put in my headphones and refused to talk to anyone. Me and God we’re having a “Come to Jesus” meeting. All I could hear Him say was that he wanted me to ask the squad to pray for my mom that night at worship. I immediately said no. I was not going to ask for everyone to pray for her only to have nothing happen. I did not want that kind of attention. But then God asked two things: “Since when do I work out of comfortability?” And “Am I still good if she doesn’t stand up?”
How do you answer that?
In short I couldn’t. I had seen too much pain before and on the Race where we prayed and there was no immediate healing. I remember Hannah’s dad reaching over and asking me if I was okay but I kind of just snapped back “Yeah I’m fine.” In reality I was not.
In the end, I told God that I would ask the squad to pray for her but I could not lead it. Because I knew I could not lead it without losing it. So I asked my friend Jonathan to pray for her after I did the introduction.
We get back and she still has massive pain. We find crutches and wraps but nothing is stopping the pain. The rest of non-PVT squad members are also there, which I had totally forgotten about, so the heaviness of it all just hit all the more. The next few hours were a blur until worship.
I go up and give a brief overview of what happened. But then I start crying in front of everyone. Even as I type this, a lot of emotions are coming back up. I say I’m tired of this kind of suffering. We had just learned my younger sister is also in the ER and it was overwhelming. I told everyone I am tired of this generational pain my family was feeling. At the end of the day, a pulled muscle is a pulled muscle but it was so much more than that. It was a breaking point for me, for the spiritual battle that it was.
So the group gathers around and my squadmate Bri touched me and I lose it, many levels above ugly crying. I can’t remember a time I cried like that. Everyone was crying. I don’t even remember what was said but all the built up emotions just overflowed. My mom was still in pain and she didn’t try stand after prayer and I just didn’t know what else to do.
We go into worship, King of my Heart comes on, and every last tear comes out. Because the chorus goes, “You are good” and I could not say it. I wrestled with God’s question, “Am I still good if she doesn’t stand?” It took me the whole song but I eventually let it go and said yes.
After the service and everyone was leaving, my mom stood, by herself, without crutches, without searing pain.
You want a miracle. There’s your miracle.
Did she still use the crutches yes. Was there a limp, yeah. But I saw Jesus work in a way I had never seen. A women who could not move without crying because of the pain standing on her own an hour later.
Jesus says in Luke 12 to “Consider the Lilies”. How God clothes them without their toil and how one day they are there and the next gone. So why are we to worry about our troubles. “Instead, seek his kingdom, and these things will be added to you.”
I still struggle with the “Why?” of situations and circumstances. But I have to ask myself do I truly trust God when he says He works all things together for our good? Yet with each step of obedience and faith, I know that Lord cares for me more than the lilies of the field.
When was the last time you trusted God even when the past tells you not to? When was the last time you Considered the Lilies?
Till next time,
Carter.
