more than halfway through the race!!!
I think by this time i’ve gotten to experience and evaluate what’s been truthful with my expectations vs what was really off
maybe you have some ideas of how life is here too, so here’s the reality!
•EXPECTATION: rice everyday. all day. tents. mosquitoes. what is wifi?
REALITY: not completely wrong about the rice! hahaha being in south american and central american countries for 5 months we’ve eaten lots of rice but it’s been really delightful! my mistake at home was thinking I wouldn’t eat anything delicious these 9 months. I was so wrong.
with world race gap year we’ve stayed in much nicer host homes than I had expected. in perspective of expecting no bed and no food, we are not roughing it at
a l l. I have been bitten more by Melissa & Sophie more than I have any bugs! We’ve been near places with Cafe’s that have wifi, and i’ve been able to keep in touch with home a lot more than I expected.
•EXPECTATION: to automatically turn into the best version of myself ever and hide every flaw for 9 months!
I thought that I could hide everything I didn’t like about myself in order to be accepted and to give the best the people i’d be living with! I was afraid of being real and expected that maybe right when I get in the environment and out of the country, the change will happen.
REALITY:
every flaw has been brought out whether I knew it or not. i’ve experienced the most REAL freedom and the true-est love by letting my leaders see my in the place that I actually was, and being open about where things are really hard for me. that’s when i’ve grown the most, when i’ve let down my pride and said I am not perfect at all. the reality is that I have felt the MOST accepted and loved when I did reveal how I was actually doing. it’s taken work and the change didn’t come because I moved locations, but because my heart moved it’s posture of fear into a place of willingness to grow.
- EXPECTATION: living + working with a team always will be my new family forever! yippy! hurray! forever! frend! sleepovers every night!
REALITY: living with and being in a group of 9 people with such different personalities has actually been one of the harder things i’ve ever done. the most accurate reality is the prayer they’ve led me to pray in my journal. i think it sums it up perfectly
. “ God thank you for all of the power you’ve shown today: you love reconciliation and communion and understanding. it’s what you’re about. thank you for reminding me that you bring life and life comes through being open and real about what’s been bringing death. that’s where the power lies! thank you for hard situations that cause me to grow and change. I love you for it. i’m really grateful to be surrounded by hearts that want to do your will so badly. and I love that I get to see how different it can look. 8 other ways kind of different.”
i’ve realized the work that comes into pushing through challenges and preferences, and am understanding what it looks like to lay down your life for your friend. what I was right about is that they’d become family. and I love them so, so much.
•EXPECTATION:
being an official “missionary” would look different and be a title.
•REALITY:
being a missionary to me has become a reality of simply living with the purpose of loving God, wherever i am. where the difference lies is that I don’t stop being a missionary when I leave our assigned ministry. doing work throughout the day has looked like so many different things. it’s looked like being with a nonprofit with kids that have cerebral palsy, being a part of a mom’s devotional, helping paint houses, cooking lunch for our neighbors + teaching kids ultimate frisbee. Life has also looked like praying as a team when it’s really hard to, giving feedback that’s difficult to give, and having worship on the kitchen floor.
. i’ve realized its not exactly WHAT we do, but HOW it’s done that changes the game.
I get to do it in a place of love and purpose. it’s not about being in a foreign country or wearing certain skirts, but about following Jesus and doing what He says.
(1 corinthians 13:1-3)
•EXPECTATION: to come and serve and give something better to people. I would give people things + help that would improve their standard of living.
REALITY: boy was my savior mindset sooo w r o n g.
the reality is that when people live different culturally, they aren’t living the wrong way because it doesn’t look american. that was one of the most humbling realities.
I did not come to “save” or “fix.”
giving more physical things that we deem as a necessity will not save anyone because saving doesn’t rely in our circumstances or situations. what I have to offer is a heart that loves the Lord and is willing to share a life of joy, and that is way more than any new shirt alone can bring.
you don’t come on the race to be a hero, you come on the race and realize that it hasn’t been you the whole time, and you praise the one that it has been.
it’s been officially 5 months & 18 days since leaving the country!
thank you for all of you who put your heart into donating towards the funds that have kept me here.
i’m forever grateful.
cami 🙂
