After a week of travel we finally arrived in India. My body was in shock because we had just come from the cold of Scotland to the humid and triple digit heat of India. After a few days of cultural training it was time to head to ministry. Finally! India was a big reason why I chose this route. To my surprise, and delight, my team and I had a 13 hour train ride ahead of us. I. Love. Trains. 

The ride was average save for some very new smells and sights. My favorite part was when people would march on the train selling food from who knows where. At the risk of getting sick but totally wanting the full train experience, I bought a thing or two…or five. I didn’t get sick, though! Thankfully. 

Skip many hours and we make it to our home for the month. It’s a school! Funny how I spent most of my life wanting to get out of school and then Jesus has me living in one for a month. We had no Wifi (is anyone really surprised?), limited power with rolling blackouts, bucket showers, and our own private beach for our backyard.

The beach was our safe haven. It was where we went to bond and to be with Jesus. Everyday we had “swell time” where the entire team would go down to the ocean and play in the waves. It was a nice break from a hot and sweaty day of ministry. 

Some days, we would teach english to the kids at the school, prune trees, move dirt, move big concrete fence posts, and go to church three hours away. I think it’s safe to say that between the heat, manual labor, and not eating much more than white rice I have lost a good bit of weight. 

We never knew what we were going to do. Sometimes, you’re dressed ready to teach but then you’re handed a scythe and told to cut tree branches. And vise versa. We never knew what was coming next which was pretty exhausting. Just another part of the adventure! 

My favorite moments in India all happened within church settings. I saw joy in each of the believers as they worshiped and hung onto every word that was preached. I’ve seen it in America too but there is something to be said when you live in country ran by idol worship and paganism and are on fire for God. There’s a different weight to it. These people were free. Truly free. You could see life in their eyes. A light that was absent in the eyes of everyone else. It was my honor to go and encourage each believer we came into contact with.  

India was a battle for me. It’s where I only wanted to be home and nowhere else. But I was reminded of something I read years ago in Wild At Heart by John Eldredge. I can’t remember every detail but the context was about marriage and relationships. The book used the example of leaving a marriage or relationship because it was hard and it would be easier to go to another person that made you feel good. Being someone that has cheated in a relationship before, reading that struck a little too close to home. He then moved on to ask the question: which option requires you to rise up and be a man? The easy way or staying committed and fighting for your marriage? 

Sure, it would be easy to go home or check out when you’re stuck at a school in the middle of nowhere, tensions are high with the team, and you miss your best friend back home. But is that what a man would do? This isn’t about any “toxic masculinity” that says “suck it up and take it like a man”. But, what does it say about someone who goes back on his word and leaves every situation just because it gets difficult? Is he even a man at all? 

At the beginning of The Race I had a one on one meeting with my squad mentor just to chat. Next thing I know, I’m dumping out some deep emotional baggage. I said something and as I was saying it I was also hearing it for the first time. I said, “I have always seen myself as more of a mouse than a man”. Thankfully, that is no longer true. I don’t see myself as a mouse. Before the race, I was afraid to rock the boat. I was too afraid to stand up for myself even if I knew I was right. I needed a community of men, real men, to help me learn what it meant to be a man. I needed to build my confidence and stand on my own two feet. I couldn’t keep shrinking from everything that came my way. I need help and the Lord came through. 

Rakhma Rua 

Rakhma was a close knit team from the beginning. I knew there was something special about us from our first moments together at Training Camp. I couldn’t have asked for a better team. Not that everything was perfect. We had to fight everyday for our unity. It was either stick together as a team or secretly hate each other and wait for team changes in May. Thankfully, we all chose to dive in and fight for unity and intimacy.. We were also thrown into some hard manual labor which helped us bond. There’s nothing like deep, intellectual, and sometimes controversial conversations while moving dirt, bricks, or laying the foundation for a restaurant. Name any topic you can think of and I’m sure we discussed and debated it as a team. 

We said that our team love language was debating. I always hated debates because I always hated arguments because I always hated conflict of any kind. I was a peace keeper not a peace maker. But it was in those debates that I found my voice and I discovered what I truly believe. I learned that not all debates or conflict are bad. I also learned that sometimes to make peace you have rock the boat.

I had to fight. I had to fight for my team and I had to break past the insecurities that weighed me down. For the first time, I had a community of men around me and I couldn’t let it pass by. So, I fought. I learned how to speak my mind, stand up for what I believe is right, and I learned how to find strength in vulnerability. All of this was possible because of my time in Rakhma. They pushed me to be more than who I was and to become who God was making me to be. To not live thinking of myself like a dog (original meaning of Caleb) but as a Son of David (meaning of Dawson) a son of God. We all pushed each other in love. Sometimes, tough love but love all the same. 

I’ll miss spending everyday with these guys. Thank you Ben, Tyler, Nate, Jon, Will, and Joseph for everything you taught me these past few months. 

 

Goodbye, Rakhma Rua.

Hello, Olive Tree.