I’m going to be real raw and honest, I spent a few nights in my tent with silent tears streaming down my face as I would than drift off to sleep for a few hours at a time.
Why the tears in the night?
Well, the reasons very and sometimes I wouldn’t even know why I was crying, but there the tears were just a rolling down my cheeks.
One evening I cried because of frustration, with myself, I was feeling apathetic, lost, and not well from the travels as well as missing home. It was good though because I was able to wrestle it out with the Lord and talk to Papa about it and cry it out in His arms. In this time, I felt His presence holding me and speaking to me about how I may not be at my physical home, but that I can find my home anywhere in Him.
There were also times when I sat in my tent and did mini little worship times with the Lord, I would read and listen to music or just sit in His presence or talk to Him about everything that was happening and that I was feeling. Often a song would come on that hit hard with my emotions in the moment and tears would begin to trickle down my face and onto my pillow. God would tell me how I was strong, beautiful, worthy, needed, His amazing child whom He loves and adores. He would encourage me by pointing out the little things that He had done through out the day and how He’s chosen me. My center and gaze would be re-focused back on what truly matters. Back to the one true King, the Lord of my life.
In these tears in the night I also found myself learning about practicing thankfulness and experiencing what true worship looks like. I would realize that I had blessed tears rolling amidst the pain/sad tears it was really quite the beautiful experience.
I had frustrating nights, painful nights, hard nights, and sweet nights. The best part about all of it is that God was there through it all, Papa held me in His arms, Holy Spirit comforted me, Jesus spoke sweetly and tenderly to me in those moments and I wouldn’t change them or take them back.
They have accelerated my growth and intimacy with the Lord!
