What would you do for emotional connection?
What would you sacrifice in order to emotionally connect with someone?
These are the new questions I have been working through lately. I have been sitting with the Lord, asking Him to reveal all the truth in this area.
Emotional connection is a bond or tie formed from a trust that two people share within their emotions.
I have discovered that I crave, appreciate, and go after emotional connection. It is where I feel safe, loved, and a sense of belonging. If I do not feel emotionally stable with a person, all other intimacies are often very hard for me to engage in. When I am unhealthy in this, it consumes my thoughts and actions. All I think about is how to get that deep, sweet connection that I so long for. I have found, that in a healthy, connected relationship, where I feel seen and understood, I am able to engage in fun and play, intense conversation, vulnerable moments, and physical touch with ease. But if I do not feel “safe” with the person, I unintentionally hide these attributes from them. I project a clean image that is separate from myself. I am telling you, emotional connection is big for me. (hint: I bet it is big for you too)
So, here is a list of things I compromise for that connection that I seek out hard. Things that I, since I know what they are, want to not compromise anymore. The compromising ends here.
– My convictions
– My integrity
– My positivity
– My truth
– My Identity
– My physical needs
– Other’s narratives
– My own ability to love
Let me explain. Sometimes I would choose to lie, slip someone’s secret, and/or “forget” to be a truth teller. I would rather do these things than walk in my conviction and integrity, walk in what I know to be right. I would play with people’s pain like some power-hungry nut (and we all know those aren’t good for me). Sometimes I would sacrifice who I was to conform to who I thought someone else wanted me to be. I would then steal my truth and identity from myself, I know, weird. Do you love me yet? I would always sacrifice sleep in order to be there for someone, I am talking always. But how is that healthy, how is any of that healthy? I would also choose not to reveal the healthy “move” to my friend to therefore be able to be the savior for them. This would sacrifice their health and growth. Are you dependent on me now? Do you need me? On top of that, my motive for doing all these things was not out of altruistic love for the person, btw. A deadly cycle of brokenness crying out to brokenness.
Bottom line, I would manipulate, sacrifice, play savior, and compromise to get what I so desperately wanted: emotional intimacy and connection. This is not even an extensive list of the horrors I would commit against myself and others in order to get the “prize” so to speak. Deep under all this trash, was a little girl who so desperately wanted to be seen, known, and loved. But had no idea how she was compromising herself.
I want, now, more than ever, to be a woman who never compromises. I want to articulate and ask for what I need, never digressing to unhealthy, manipulative tactics to find love.
On a broad scale, when humans do not have their needs met, unhealthy actions follow. Humans need to be loved, connected, understood, nurtured, appreciated, and valued. When we do not receive these things, we will act out in manipulation, attention grabbing, anger, pain, jealousy, envy, shame, passive aggression, distrust, personal destruction, arguing, really any unhealthy, evil relationship tactic you can think of. We do this because we were created to need these things, and when we do not get them, we turn to our self-destructing habits. These needs are the root desires which lead to ALL brokenness. Let that one sink in.
Here are my questions for you, I want you to think through them: What areas are you not being cared for in? What tactics do you use to have your needs met? What do you compromise in order to be emotionally connected to someone?
I would recommend searching yourself in this; the journey to self-awareness is an unmatched, treasure.
Life Update Baby: We are chugging through our ninth month on the field. We are currently in Batumi, Georgia (right next to the Black Sea!). This is another ‘ask the Lord month’ and this time I am with a whole new team! Let me tell you, they are the bomb; they are passionate, driven, loving, intentional, and fun! Baby hearts all around for them.
Prayer Request (because we need that prayer army, you know?): For vigor, for open ears, eyes, hearts, and minds, for awareness and “awakeness”, to be a woman of my convictions both in action and thought, and for Lord-placed opportunities.
Final reminder:
You are loved. You are seen. You are known. By a Creator, Gentleman, and Father who is crazy about you.
