So on one of the first weeks I decided I wanted to be a better person and go the extra mile for people. I really pushed myself at construction and I did little things to help other people. But at feedback time nobody said anything about the things I was doing and other people actually got commended for things I was working really hard at doing. In fact there were several occasions where my team was given feedback for not doing these things saying that nobody was trying to go the extra mile. Of course I wasn’t doing all of this for recognition but it still hurts when you put all this effort into helping other people and making them smile and not only does nobody notice but I’m also told I’m not doing enough. Whenever I felt like I was being forgotten I resolved in my head to work even harder than before. This became a source of sadness for me.
Then at debrief in Baños one morning our leaders decided to have a time when we would pull names out of a hat and pray for each other and give each other whatever words we might receive. The person who got my name was Mac and she told me that God sees me and God notices me and she even gave me some scripture to go with it. 1 Corinthians 8:3 “But the man who loves God is known by God.” I already knew this but the fact that God went out of his way to tell me this of all things is really special to me and it really touched my heart. It was almost enough to make me cry. It was one of those times where I knew something but it didn’t really resonate until he went out of his way to tell me this. He doesn’t speak to me much so the fact that the God and the maker of the universe thought this was what was important enough to go out of His way to tell me is really special.
Later that day Kate had been sick at home and so she spent the time everyone was away to pray for everyone. She had this word for me. My relationship to God is like that of a grandfather and a grandson. For some reason I had never thought of it this before, but it made total sense. The way I talk to him, the way he keeps telling me how much He loves me and how proud of me He is even though I don’t feel like I deserve it. It’s exactly how a grandfather acts. Of course it’s just an analogy but these words he had for me that day are going to stick with me for a long time.
