Here’s a letter to the Lord from my journal of where i’m at today.
1/28/2020
My heart Lord is full of gratitude and I owe it all to you. Your mercy is abundant, your love is overwhelming, your grace is sufficient and it brings me to tears. I am so undeserving but you have chosen me before time so I belong to you. Thank you Lord from the deepest parts of my heart. I’ve been seeking for more of what you can show me rather than taking what you’ve already shown me and putting it to practice. For that, I am sorry. I am sorry for the things I’ve made it but here I am, I’m coming back to the heart of worship. I am reminded of where you’ve brought me and where you have placed me for today. I won’t forget that your hands will hold me, your love sustains me through the waiting. Lord I will wait on you. I won’t forget all of your mercies and all of your grace that have been poured out over me.
Y’all this is my heart’s prayer right now to God. I’ve recently found myself tired, not physically tired because this month has been restful. I knew my tiredness wasn’t physical, but spiritually I am exhausted. I’ve been going strong for these last 8 months. Now being spiritually tired is a tiredness I’m not used to experiencing and I’m not quite sure how to rest in that area. Thanks to my sweet mentor I realized I wasn’t giving myself the right time to process and pray through all that the Lord has taught and shown me over these last 8 months. She explained it like this: I’m sitting at a table and there’s so many good dishes of food placed before me. I would taste them, be thankful for them, and ask for more. Though asking for more isn’t a wrong thing, not giving myself enough time to enjoy them was.
Paralleled to my spiritual life, God has revealed so many incredible new ways of life He wants me to live out. He’s shown me many new characteristics of my identity as His daughter that he want to see flourish, but I being the way He’s made me have a problem with slowing down. What he’s teaching me now is that I have already received so many wonderful revelations from him and now it’s time for me to sit and process all that he has given me over these many months. There’s no time limit to that, but what I do know is that he’s going to be with me in the sitting and with me in the waiting. And now I need to take what he’s given me and really absorb what he taught me so I can naturally live it out.
God thank you for being patient with me, thank you for answering my prayers to know more of you. Now I pray to be okay with sitting and reflecting on all the things you’ve shown me so that it becomes lasting for my lifetime here on earth.
For the Sake of His name,
Bailey
