Happy Thanksgiving!!! I couldn’t be more thankful for this experience. I truly treasure each day! I am sorry I haven’t been able to do more post. WiFi is rather spotty here! I will add photos as soon as I can!
Here is a recap of what has been going on the last few weeks. Spoiler alert I haven’t been doing a whole lot of anything!
This month we are working at a home for mentally disabled adults in Honduras. It is called The Hogar, which means The Home. It consists of little houses that are home to over 70 people. In each house there are 10-15 mentally disabled adults. However, they call the adults “ninos” which means “kids.” Each house has a live-in “Tia” which means “Aunt” in spanish. The Tia is responsible for all the needs of the kids living in the home. And when I say their needs, I mean every little detail of these kids lives.
In our house we have 11 kids: Nora, Milba, Juan, Daisy, Giselle, Barbara, Ada, Karan, David, Doris, and Carla. We do not know the exact diagnosis of any them. Nora, Milba, Jaun, Giselle, Daisy, Ada and Barbara can walk. David, Karan, Doris, and Carla are wheel chair bound. Heidi, the Tia of our house, must ensure that they all are cared for each day. I know I personally can’t list all the things she has to do each day. Like I said previously she is responsible for ALL of their needs. She does everything from feeding them to getting them dressed to changing their diapers day in and day out. Not to mention taking care of all the chores around the house AND she is only 19. Heidi is truly amazing. The love and compassion she has for each of the kids leaves me in awe. She continuously gives herself to them even when she is tired and worn out. Even when she is busy mopping the floors she will stop to go wipe drool off of their mouths or move their hair out of their face. She is the definition of selfless. Heidi continues to amaze me as we ask to help her each day and she continuously says no. She tells us she rather us spend time with the kids. However, this was really hard for me at first.
On the first day when she said she didn’t need help, I felt useless. I watched her knowing I could help her but I knew she didn’t want help. As my team and l sat around awkwardly with the kids due to the language barrier, I began to pray. I asked the Lord to show me what to do, He gave me a word: presence. At first, I was like well thanks God but that doesn’t exactly tell me what to do. Then it clicked. I realized that it didn’t matter what we did, our presence is all that mattered. We began doing silly dances, skits, and songs just trying to get them engaged. We rolled the ball on the floor for hours. We made farting noises and gave hugs. We did all sorts of rediculous things to get a glimmer of a smile on their faces. And as we ran out of ideas, I remember saying to the team it doesn’t matter what we do, it is just that we are here. Little did I know the Lord would continue to reveal just what He meant by presence.
On Monday, the 12th, that the Lord continued to give me a further explaination of presence. After a few days of singing and dancing with the kids, they started getting tired. Milba and Giselle were just sitting out on the porch. We rolled the others out to get some fresh air as well. Once everyone was out on the porch, Milba sitting on the ground looked up at me with outstretched hands. I asked her in my best spanish if she wanted to dance. Laughing at my spanish she said no. I sat down and she embraced me. For the next 3 hours I held her. As I held her I prayed that she feel God’s love and continue to feel it long after we leave. I prayed that in moments of lonliness she always feel His love embracing her. That she may always know in moments of stillness He is God her Father.
Later that night during team time. It finally hit me. God was telling me to sit in His presence. God, just as Milba did, was reaching out with outstretched arms waiting for me to embrace Him. Often times I get so focused on the goal that I don’t pause to ask the Lord what He would like me to do. Helping Heidi is what I thought I needed to do. It soon became the only thing I focused on. Most of us want to change the world and know that we made an impact during our lives. We do task that show us results. We want to see tangible results. For many, this may be physically helping as many people as possible. While helping others is good we must do it with the right intentions. Seeing physical results may be what WE want. However, God calls us to surrender ourselves daily to Him to fulfill our purpose for His plan. I realized He gave me the word presence because I was only focused on MY goal. I wanted to help Heidi because I knew she had chores to finish and I could help accomplish those tasks. I now know He was calling me to sit in His presence and surrender my selfish desires. I now see how surrendering myself daily has helped His love flow through me to the kids. While we have danced and played games a few more times this week, the kids most enjoy when we sit with them and love on them. We don’t have to do anything for them, we simply have to be there. Just like with God, we don’t have to do anything to receive His love, we simply have to be still and know that He is God. The moments when we are still in His presence are the very moments He gives our lives purpose.
Love,
Ashley Nicole
