Have you ever been called out in church? Not by your mother for falling asleep during the service or your Sunday school teacher for giggling with your friends, but actually CALLED OUT from the pulpit? Growing up in church I can say this had never happened to me until a couple of weeks ago.
I started month eight in Kenya completely exhausted. Even when I was given time to rest I found it hard to when others were still doing things. The Lord showed me during that time that I had let my pride get in the way of doing what’s best. My concern should only be what He wants of me not what others expect. The second half of the month I was sicker than I have probably been in my life. Typhoid is no joke. I was so sick that I COULD NOT care what anyone else thought. My only choice was to rest, lean on Him, and rely on others to look out for me.
The following is a conversation I had with my parents toward the end of the month as I was still recovering from typhoid. Here I describe to them an experience where my motives were put to the test.
My dad shared this with me about the sermon he preached that Sunday- “We talked about seeking God this morning. I like this quote, ‘the most common mistake we make in worship today is seeking an experience rather than seeking God’ -Rick Warren”
Here’s my response. “Interesting… I just finished reading Francis Chan’s newest book Letters to the Church on that very topic! This also goes along with what the Lord’s been teaching me about rest and having the right motives in ministry… am I doing it to please others or Him… and if ministry is life and serving Him is worship then what or who am I really looking to please?? You’d find it interesting at the service today that the worship leader literally called me out in the service for not “standing in the presence of God” when the songs started and everyone else stood to sing and dance (hey, it’s Africa-you won’t find a “reserved” service here). He told the congregation that they were a family and families worshipped together and that meant standing and participating with everyone then he pointed right at me and I just looked back at him. Obviously, I wasn’t trying to be rude or disrespectful, but I was super tired and dizzy from walking the past 45 minutes to church and the worship part of the service lasted like an hour and a half. So, I continued to sit because my heart was at peace knowing that I could worship and sit with the Lord with as much of His presence around me as anyone standing. I did take the first 10 minutes to pray for the right attitude, though. The worship leader’s comments really stung, and I had all the comebacks rolling through my head. I decided not to let his ignorance ruin my time with Jesus… because that’s why I was there after all. I acknowledged that the Lord knew my heart, and He was telling me to sit with Him. I prayed for the guy that he would experience more grace from his congregation than he gave to others, his eyes would be open to see people deeper than what’s on the outside, to have compassion and not make quick judgements. I kept my eyes closed and told the Lord I didn’t care what anyone else thought of me or if they were watching me, I just wanted to be with Him. Then I just sat there with my head bowed and hands open worshipping quietly the whole time. The Lord reminded me that sometimes David sang and danced and sometimes he sat quietly. Our worship doesn’t always have to look the same day to day or even the same as the person sitting next to us. Anyway, that’s my sermon for the day.”
In conclusion, old me would have either gone along with the crowd to make everyone (besides myself and the Lord) happy then I probably would have passed out… or continued to sit but spend the whole time stewing. Had the Lord not checked my pride and motivations earlier in the month, this could have been a totally different story. Praise God for a change of heart and pure motives.
Thanks again for following along on this journey. Your prayers and support are appreciated!!
