Good Evening all! Thank God it’s Fri-Yay!
Today, I have a special blog that has been daily on my heart. It is the month of June and for some, you have already heard what that means!
In June 2017 I had been rushed to the Emergency Room for the x-st time to receive a blood transfusion. Personally I felt that my Hemoglobin was at about a 6 but truthfully when they checked my levels, I was at a 3.7.
A very dangerous low – even for me.
The last hospital stay was a fight too. At such a low I know that I need at least 4 units of blood to get my levels to a normal. (Meaning 10 or 12) which would keep me out of the hospital for maybe 4 months if I was lucky and if I somehow “rationed” it just right, meaning if I limited myself to not move around too much. They tried to send me home with two units of blood which brought me up to an 8… which a level of 7 usually warrants an emergency stay. So that would have maybe given me a month worth of energy. I refused to leave until I got two more units of blood but they treated me pretty badly after that. I stayed two whole days – when it all could have been over in 8 hours.
After this experience I was just drained. Not only is the whole experience stressful for my body, because each time an x amount of foreign cells enter your own body and puts your body in high stress-fight mode… I also strongly feel the energy and stress levels of varying peoples auras if you so will tainting your own person. It was so much that time. Just harder than ever and I found myself just hitting the ceiling. I was finally home but far away from being able to relax, sleep or rejoice over red hands…
I just was anxious. When would it all change? I feel this huge call on my life but I am unable to live without a nearby hospital and some other persons blood. I am constantly in pain and tired beyond reason. I am in the prime of my life and feeling lifeless. In this whole journey of experiencing this mystery illness, I always tried my best to honor, praise and be thankful to God and to serve him to the best of my ability. Some days I could not lift my head from the pillow without crying out to God to be my strength for one more day. Each breath I had to remind myself that breath is granted by God. I literally was held together by him and for him.
But I found myself hitting a wall. This time something broke inside me. I was crying from frustration and fear and anger too. This is how nobody should have to live. I felt like an 80 year old woman. I wanted to just tear down the gates of heaven with my prayer that night. I wasn’t asking exactly…. I was really more telling God.
In my mind it was very simple really.
One… God is my Daddy. Daddies take care of their daughters.
Two… God is Healer. Nothing is impossible for him.
Three… And I was ready.
Ready to go home. And I told God this. “God, as my Daddy and Healer this is the thing. Either you heal me, or I am gonna assume it’s my time to come home. I am refusing to live this way anymore.”
I cry thinking about that night even now when I think about it. Because clear as a bell I felt the Holy Spirit’s instruction to look up a supplement. I followed his instructions even though the doctors told me I am incapable of absorbing iron naturally. The part in my body is gone that does that. So in that moment – either God replaced that part in my body…. Or he is literally causing iron to infuse my body now.
At almost 31 years now, I feel better than I ever have my entire life. My whole body functions in alignment as it should… And I am learning to love my body, because I don’t feel like a prisoner in it anymore. I am so beyond grateful, even now, a year later I still look at my palm 100 times a day and almost cry remembering that I now have blood, my own blood, or Jesus blood – I don’t really care. I am pink, healthy and happy. I will never be able to look at my hands and see the color of flesh and not praise His goodness…. So this marks a year for me of being healed.
When you lived all your life wishing for health, I just can’t convey to you how it feels to be free of this burden. To be set free and to be able to dance without feeling like you are gonna pass out… To be able to walk and kayak and do work and walk and all the normal stuff healthy folks do…
I know that I went through this very deep and dark valley for a reason. I can embrace a people that knows what anemia is. 80% of humans actually are anemic in the third world countries. To be able to one day embrace those that feel tired and in pain so much because their blood does not supply their muscles with sufficient oxygen, makes me feel blessed. To be able to encourage and love them and to shower them in grace makes me feel blessed. To be able to petition heaven on their behalf, kicking down walls of unbelief and tearing down the gates of heaven to plead their case before God, remembering that He also did this for me, makes me thankful that God allowed this path for me.
Trust God to be the Author of your life, because he is the best Author out there! Your pain, trials and strongholds are opportunities for ministry and God has for you a unique mission. Look at all your painful scars that he has healed and praise him. Watch how He will use you to bring healing and grace into hurting and desperate people’s lives. I pray for you to be encouraged even as you struggle right now. Nothing happens for no reason. God makes all things beautiful in it’s time. You are to him the most amazing art, your scars are a map of love and miracles.
You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
You saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
before a single day had passed.
Psalm 139:13-16
I would strongly suggest for you to read all of Psalm 139… It is such a reminder that God is everywhere and that he is sovereign.
I always say this and I always sincerely mean it too: Share your miracles, your struggles with me if you need prayer, encouragement or you just want to give Papa praise. It makes me so happy to hear those stories.
God bless you and keep you!
Love, Angelika
