Trust in the Lord with your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take. Proverbs 3:5-6
I don’t know about you, but I am a person that thrives in newness. New beginnings excite me. However, before something changes usually there is a very uncomfortable time of preparation, waiting and not missing hints, whispers of the Lord and opportunities.
This is that kind of season for me. I have been waiting and praying since 2016 for God to move me towards my hearts desire; in his plan, timing and will. While I was waiting I was applying all the things I had learned throughout the years of walking with Him and serving him. Relying on his love to be my identity, not my titles or the people I run with or the things that might otherwise define me.
So in February of this year I felt a message from the Lord bloom in my Spirit. “Position yourself to be ready to go through a new door. Jump in with your whole heart, fear not – I will provide.” (short version :))
Incredibly fast an opportunity presented itself, one tailored to my person. An opportunity to do what I have always wanted to do. Since my Babysitter Martina in Switzerland had become a Flight Attendant, since I was like 9, I wanted to do just that. I love flying, it is by far my favorite way to travel, and traveling is the best, period. I had a recommendation and I eased through all the interviews in no time. Within 3 weeks I was accepted to the Face to Face interviews at Delta HQ and it seemed as if God was opening all doors. Yet – red flags popped up, and I ignored them. First, I spent less and less time with Jesus and more time obsessing over this opportunity. It seemed to take over my identity. And then I was robbed of my peace. I was a nervous, anxious wreck.
I went to the Interview, telling myself that if this is the Lord’s will I will again ease through the whole thing. But as soon as I got there, deep down I felt I did not belong there. This wouldn’t bring me closer to my heart’s desire… Would it bring me money and a highly coveted carrier? Yes… But were those ever things I ran after? No. Not ever.
For the following days I was nervous, more nervous than ever. I checked my emails five times a day, my stomach in a knot each time an email appeared, and discouraged whenever no email popped up. Finally I received the answer “At this time, I was not what they were looking for.”
I was confused. And hurt. And wondered why God let me go so far, if it weren’t meant to be. Why did I let myself get so deeply invested? So much was happening also in my personal life that was heart wrenching and scary and it all together drove me so deep into the Father’s arms. I cried out to him more than I ever had before. And as it is his nature, he comforted me, restoring my peace and allowing me rest.
That is when I felt I should apply for the World Race. I applied, not very reassured and a little dampened by the still fresh disappointment with Delta. In the back of my mind, I could feel doubt taking root, but at the same time, Holy Spirit labored hard to teaching me about faith and trust and relying on him.
I got accepted to participate and locked into the August 2018 route, which I shared with you all so far. As soon as possible, I began to fund raise and research and prepare. But no matter what.. A day has only 24 hours and a month has only 4 weeks. And if I wanted to approach this honorably towards all the people interested in investing in this journey, I would not have enough time. Still – I had the message – Jump in with your whole heart and so I did not want to pull back, convinced that I had this assignment from the Lord.
Yet last week I heard a clear, “Wait for three days”. I felt he meant that I was not to move, not to have anything to do with the World Race, fundraising, emailing etc for three days. This was hard. Especially with my 5000$ deadline approaching in less than a week. On the third day I was so despaired and confused and wondering if I had once again misread a door? What should I do? What would people say?
“Wait Daughter…”
I went to bed early on the third day, too sad to stay awake anymore, wanting to wake up and “DO” something the next morning. My night was filled with dreams of the World Race, as I often do these days. And when my eyes opened I understood.
“WAIT.” Period.
Not just “wait three days” but instead “wait”.
Timing is everything.
And if I went on the World Race at the wrong time, I am convinced God would still move powerfully – but the God Moments he has prepared for me, they would be out of reach. As soon as I contacted Austin to tell him that I would wait a year I felt the kind of peace of God that wants to knock you out. Just make you fall asleep standing up.
I am more excited now, excited that I get to look forward for an entire year to this incredible adventure. I get to have my dreams filled about the World Race for a year before leaving. I get to tell people about this journey I am heading on for a year before I go. I get to make more friends, do more ministry and learn more about Jesus for a year before leaving. I get to spend another year with my aunt and granny and cousins at our country church.
As of now, I don’t know if I will choose the June or August 2019 route, but I know that I am thankful that I was willing and obedient to God’s word, that I went through the right door and now that I also am in the right position to move forward.
In these few months I have recognized that Satan’s weapons formed against us cannot prosper. Even though they can come in all sizes, shapes and varieties. In my case, a childhood dream job. He will do what he can to deter you from the will of God. Yet as long as you really desire God’s will above your own, no door Satan puts in front of you will remain open if it isn’t meant to.
There is no feeling like being in an active, alive and personal relationship with the Creator of the Universe. It is surprising and refreshing and lovely. He is alive and working and moving and invested in our lives…. He is the Vine and we are the branches and we cannot do anything in and of ourselves. But when we abide in him, all things are possible through him.
