As I mentioned in my last blog, every month of my Race, the Lord gave me a different word or phrase for me to center my focus for that month. I learned a lot about myself and about the Lord during my time on the Race, and a lot of what I learned has a great deal to do with those words and phrases.
Below, you will find the “bare bones” of what I learned during some of the months on my Race.
Nepal (Month 5) – Leadership
This month started off in a very interesting way: team changes! I was raised up as a leader, and it was not an easy transition. The Lord had been growing me in leadership for a while. I spent the last few months of my time in America as one of the charge nurses on my floor. I also had been learning about healthy, godly leadership from my life group leaders, Nick and Chrissy. But suddenly, it was my turn to lead a World Race team, and I immediately felt under-qualified.
Before team changes happened, everyone in our squad started guessing who would be on their teams. As for me, I was advised to pray about my next team, and it was THEN that the Lord told me the word “leadership.” What’s even crazier is that my team ended up being filled with different leaders, each of them a strong one! This was going to be interesting. How do you lead a group of leaders?
Lucky for me, my Bible reading plan led me to 1-2 Samuel. While reading it, God kept revealing truths to me. True, godly leadership is all about putting God in His rightful place: above you as the TRUE leader. That’s what David did. He never made a decision without consulting God. Saul was different. He was rash and impulsive, hiding behind “low self-esteem” but outwardly acting out of a really twisted sense of pride. In short, I needed to be like David, not like Saul.
It took a while to really put this into practice, though. Halfway through the month, one of my teammates called me out for answering roughly and rudely with them (which was a total blind spot for me). They also said a few other choice words that hurt to hear. So I took that feedback to the Lord, and He revealed something to me. I had been trying so hard to be a strong leader that I had left behind my kind and gentle nature. But He wanted me to walk in those personality traits because that was my true self. That was the only way for me to be a truly strong leader in my own way. Truly, that hard word was exactly what I needed to kick it into high gear and straighten up. My team needs me to be a TRULY strong leader, not this phony persona I had conjured up in my mind.
Rwanda (Month 6) – Holiness and Manhood
When I entered Rwanda, the Lord gave me the word “holiness,” so I naturally started to focus my attention on what that truly means. About a week later, He also gave me the word “manhood.” Interesting, I thought. The Lord had already redeemed the word “manly” for me a few months previously (when I was still at home) and knew He wanted me to redeem the word “man” for our society. So I was very excited to dive into this theme!
That month, I ended up reading a book called Wild at Heart: Discovering the Secret of a Man’s Soul by John Eldredge (HIGHLY recommend this to any and every guy out there). At first, I hated that book. I hated the title. I hated the notion that every man has the same three driving forces. I hated that it seemed to generalize all men. But it was THEN that the beauty of true manhood came alive to me.
Manhood is about chasing what is important to you, whatever that may be. It may be your dream career. It may be a spouse. It may be a group of friends. Whatever it is, a man has to chase after it. And all of nature seems to confirm this truth. Families thrive when the man of the house intentionally chases his dreams with passions. And society LOVES when a man is driven by holy passion.
For me personally, this meant I had to intentionally pursue what I was hungry for: deeper intimacy with Jesus and deeper connections with the people around me. No more excuses. It was time for me to fight. I am a warrior for the Kingdom of the Lord. It was about time I started acting like it! Everything I read in the Word this month seemed to highlight “man of God.” I read about Elijah and many of the first church leaders. Being a man meant intentionally pursuing God’s Kingdom and the part that we play in that. And that right there is the essence of holiness as well: being set apart for the King and His plan for your life.
Uganda (Month 7) – “adventure”
This month was a very interesting month. For starters, it was a month without a planned ministry. We had a ministry plan and location that fell through literally a week before we got there (thanks to an Ebola outbreak), which totally threw us for a loop. We ended up doing an “ATL month” (which means “Ask the Lord”). My team was not sure what this month was going to be like, and that was the point. We had to ask the Lord about every aspect of this month (where to live, what to do every day, etc.). Needless to say, this month really was going to be an adventure.
This month, I discovered a lot about myself. First of all, I learned I really really REALLY love to pray and intercede. There was one day that the Lord led us to pray for our whole squad ALL DAY LONG. I sat for hours and prayed without getting tired of it (a sure-fire way to know that you are walking in your spiritual gifts). This was also the month the Lord confirmed my calling to World Race America (basically, another adventure). And this month, I read the book Translating God by Shawn Bolz (probably one of my HIGHEST recommendations as far as books go).
Every day was incredible. The Lord showed us specific visions and gave us words every day. We saw Him come through EVERY TIME. Following Him in this way showed us that the Lord really will direct all of our paths if we acknowledge Him in all our ways and in all of our needs! We grew in prophecy, and I grew in crazy obedience to the wildest things (ex: the Lord led me to spend a whole day standing… have you ever heard of a “sitting fast” before?).
My team also “saved” our off days/adventure days until the end of the month. We went to Jinja, Uganda and white water rafted! It really was an amazing, ridiculously fun adventure! But what’s even more interesting is that I spent most of my days CHOOSING to read my Bible. I wanted to do that more than I wanted to go out and explore. I remember saying to one of my teammates that reading the Word was “my REAL adventure.” Jesus is so exciting and when we live a life striving to show ourselves obedient to God, He leads us on the most wild adventures.
Kenya (Month 8) – “Just trust Me”
Whoa man. This month was an interesting one for me. The theme was similar to my theme of “blind trust” in Ecuador, but the trials manifested themselves in completely different ways.
A few days before my team arrived in Kenya, a couple of things started to happen. I found out that my dad was starting to get significantly sicker with his cancer battle. I also began to realize just how hard it is to start fundraising while you are overseas, especially for a “second year” kind of trip. And besides that, I found out that I was going to be the head “team leader” for the month of Kenya because one of my fellow leaders got extremely sick in Uganda and needed to stay back to rest. Basically, a lot of things happened that made me feel SUPER stressed in every meaning of the word. I couldn’t escape it. I was feeling less than confident to say the least, but the Lord began to speak to me in those moments of stress. “Just trust Me,” he would say. And I did.
Communication also became extremely difficult for me in Kenya. I had to have many conversations to figure out the best financial move that all three of our teams could make while also coordinating logistics with our host. In short, I had to dive into two of my biggest insecurities and fears as a leader– money and logistics. Again, I would hear the Lord say, “Just trust Me.” So I did.
The Lord used this month, which should have been one of the hardest months for me, and turned it into something amazing. For starters, I grew in so much confidence as a leader. I am not nearly as nervous when I have to make hard financial decisions. I just go with the flow and know that all things will work out for my benefit in the end. And not just that! He also grew me in confidence that World Race America really was the next step for me!
At the end of my month, the day before my mom was supposed to fly to Ethiopia to do ministry with me, my dad’s health suddenly declined to the point were he was emergently trached. My mom of course ended up staying with him, and this also opened up the question, “What do I do now? Do I go home? Do I postpone my trip next year?” It was a hard time for my family and hard time for me personally. But again, God did tell me to just trust Him. So I did.
You know what happened? I was OVERWHELMED by support from so many people, including people I had lost touch with. People who I never would have expected reached out to me to share with me their support of my mission. THAT is incredible. When the Lord stirs people’s hearts in support of the calling He has placed on your life, you can walk in full assurance that you are exactly where He wants you. Why did I ever doubt? God knew what He was doing. There is no reason for me to fear anything. I just need to trust Him!
I know these blogs have gotten super long here lately, but God has done too much in my life for me to limit it to just one or two small blogs. And you know what? I don’t even feel like I want to apologize about it! He is good and so worthy to be praised all the time! After all, we are made to give Him glory! Here’s to many more “praise reports” to the Lord!
In all things, be blessed!
AG
