I once heard that when we are talking about what God is doing in our lives, we shouldn’t have to tell stories that are older than a week. What an interesting thought! It is true that God is always working in our lives, even if it’s in some “behind-the-scenes” kind of way. While God is a powerful God, we don’t always have spiritual breakthroughs or epiphanies. Sometimes, we get a gentle nudge in the right direction. This week, I had a bit of both.
Here is something that is not new, but may be new to some of you readers: I have a history of terrible social isolation and anxiety. I’m sure most people that have ever known me relatively well have probably noticed. I often withdraw myself from the people around me, and it happens usually pretty randomly. Don’t get me wrong, I love people and being around them. I really am a very extroverted person and feel so energized and alive when I’m around other people. But here’s the problem. Sometimes, I will be having a great conversation with someone and think, “Wow! What an awesome person they are! I think we can become really good friends.” BUT THEN, just as the conversation peaks, I say something along the lines of, “Well, it was really fun talking with you, but I should probably get going now. We should definitely hang out and catch up again soon.”
Right now, as I’m writing this all out, I’m thinking, “Yup. I just want to end on a high note. I want them to have the idea in their head that I am a fun guy who talks about interesting stuff. I try to never be boring.” And during the times when I feel like I have nothing exciting to say, I guess I’d rather not say anything at all. This isn’t to say that I don’t love the people I am around or enjoy their company. I do, and usually, I REALLY do. I just feel like they don’t always enjoy mine.
***Side-note: I REALLY am not saying this because I want people to feel sorry for me. I am just being honest about something that is difficult for me to talk about. This has always been a struggle of mine, but I believe bringing it into the light is one way in which I can overcome the darkness that I try to put myself in.
For a while now, I have been doing just that, but not really consciously aware of it. I had been feeling “off,” but I didn’t know how and I didn’t know what to do about it. About two weeks ago, I stumbled across a musical known as Dear Evan Hansen, a musical about a guy who struggles with social anxiety. Some of you may be thinking that I am kind of late to the party as this musical has been out for some time now, but to me, it was like I found it at the perfect time! The lyrics were powerful, and they really brought so many feelings to the surface of my mind. This really helped me process them, and I am grateful that God brought that to my attention when He did. I really do believe God works through things that aren’t necessarily “Christian” to bring something to our attention. I believe that when something is at the forefront of our consciousness (in this case, my social anxiety and isolation), it makes us more perceptive to what the Lord is trying to tell us about it.
Fast forward to this week. It was my birthday this past Tuesday, the 24th of July. I turned 24 years old (first of all, what?). Something that most people know about me is that I don’t usually make a big deal about my birthday. That may seem surprising as I tend to be a dramatic person in general, but it’s really not something that I have ever done. Still, I received a handful of well wishes and “Happy birthdays” from so many loved ones and even some new friends that I have made recently. It was almost as if some people really went out of their way to make me feel important to them, saying sweet things like “[I’m] so glad to get to know you!” Some people sent me encouragements that the Lord had put on their hearts to share with me. How blessed am I that the Lord of the universe has put so many wonderful people in my life?! And at that, people who listen to His voice and speak when they feel Him leading them to do so!
Small nudge, see? But then something else happened. At the end of the day, as I was praying before going to sleep, I felt like I heard God whisper, “What about my birthday present to you?”
WOAH…
Let me just say, that was not what I was expecting. I had spent so much time thinking about what I wanted to do, to eat, etc. I did not really spend time considering that God the Father had something special prepared for me.
You want to know what I believe He prepared for me? Victory. The only thing I asked for was to become more pleasing in His sight. And why wouldn’t the Lord, who can do all things, grant this request? He wants it for me as much as I want it for myself.
From time to time, I get these thoughts in my head that I am not interesting enough to really connect with people. Or maybe I am not cool enough, funny enough, attractive enough, etc. But then the Lord slaps you with a, “But we all love you and have something special to say to you.” And with the love of the Lord, we aren’t really lacking anything. With this in mind, I now feel better equipped to protect myself from the fiery darts of the Accuser.
Furthermore, as I write these thoughts out, this is what I believe God is saying to me right now: “You don’t get to deprive people of your company. I made you special, so depriving them of you is depriving them of who I made you to be for them.”
Our lives as Christians are dynamic, so by definition, they are always changing and moving in some sort of direction. God is always doing something different in our lives. How has He recently been active in your life?
Be blessed,
AG
