Take
me
d
E
E
P
E
R.
Those are the words I prayed many years ago.
I sat there in worship, surrendering my life to the Lord, and asking Him to open my future to be used for His glory. I am fully convinced that my heart knew what it was asking yet at the same time had no clue. In Romans 8:26 it says “Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.”
And that’s all I can say. The Holy Spirit uttered a cry to the Father for my spirit that was too ignorant to fully understand what that cry could mean.
And since then the Lord has taken me to many places.
Seven months after that prayer, God led me into an 11 week long missions trip. And at the time I had thought that was the sole answer and would ask God, “Okay so what’s next?”. As if that prayer was just checked off a list. But as it turns out, it was just the beginning.
After those 11 weeks, God asked me to step into leadership with college ministry. And I thought, okay, this is God taking me deeper into living normal life with Him.
And after three years of that, God asked me to go on the World Race. Now surely this, this 11 months of going from country to country and ministry to ministry, is where the depths will be reached.
But once again, God is showing me that Him taking me deeper has no bounds. There is no end to that prayer, but it is just being worked anew with each passing wave of life.
And now this 11 months has suddenly turned into only 2&1/2 left. So I begin to think of life post race. What will it hold? What desires/visions/dreams has God given me this time?
And in that pondering I found out a critical pitfall to being led deeper into life with Him.
I have a security issue that I’ve been blind to for a while.
I’ve found this sweet spot of listening to God, taking big leaps for Him, and being uncomfortable and yet at the same time being so comfortable and secure.
I kind of thrive in taking jumps with groups of people and through organizations into the unknown. God has blessed me with so many opportunities to go deeper with Him while being surrounded by a solid body of Christ. And in all honesty, I’ve looked for that. Which is not bad by any means. But it’s this little arrangement I have that I’ll take a giant leap if at least one other person is in it with me. And sure I’ll do bold things for the Kingdom if an organization is heading the charge.
And so now that I am no longer in school and will no longer be a part of a mission group, I’m scared God may ask me to take a jump all by myself.
I place too much importance on that “you jump I jump” philosophy. And I place too much decision making on whether or not I’ll have people by my side. So although I have done so much already that has pushed me, stretched me, and terrified me; it all still had that tiny bit of security in that I wasn’t going at it alone.
And slowly but surely, God is asking me to realize that even if I take the next step without a community surrounding me, He is still surrounding me. And so ever so slowly I’ve been learning how to open up my hands and release this non-tangible grasp I’ve placed onto this need for security.
And soon the time will come where God may or may not ask me to take a leap alone. I honestly don’t know. But in the meantime, He is working on me placing less security on others or in an organization and more onto Him.
A few weeks ago, a friend saw a vision of me walking up a staircase that didn’t exist. But every time I took a step, one would appear. It was as though God was asking me to just blindly step and trust that I wouldn’t fall – That something solid and sturdy would be placed underneath me if I just trusted in Him.
Proverbs 16:9 says this: “In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.”
God has given me a really great vision of hopes and desires for my life. He’s taken my hand and dreamed alongside me. But He’s asking me to take that step without seeing the footholds. To build a staircase without seeing the design. To trust without limits. He’s taken me deeper, and now He’s asking me to climb.
