What’s love got to do with it?
That seems to be the million dollar question these days.
For so long I had this misconception of love; as a western culture we often describe it as a feeling, a fleeting emotion. We can fall in and out of love. It is hard to come by and even harder to make stay. Our fascination with love is endless but our definition is limited. We have even advanced science far enough to explain the chemical reaction our brains have to a rush, and we call this love. People are so desperately searching for love, they begin to chase anything that makes them feel. Unfortunately, this need we have to understand and grasp love has diluted our ability to seek a perfected version of it. An honest and truthful love. More than a feeling, more than an emotion, never ending, authentic love. How much we love should never be dictated by how much love we are receiving from others. It’s not a gas tank – it’s not what you put in that determines how far you can go.
Millions of marriages have started at an altar promising “through sickness & health, till death do us part” yet fifty percent of these vows end up broken by divorce papers. This is no surprise, as I have watched our culture try to find love in every outlet we could possibly think of; marriage being one of them. We bounce from relationship to relationship, keeping ourselves away from a lurking sense of loneliness; but love is not the absence of loneliness. We run hard towards things that make us feel, and we live dissatisfied lives because we never fully arrive. We excuse abusive and toxic behavior in the name of love. We lie because we want to protect those we love. We are told to love ourselves and be self-reliant, never depending on the love of others. We’re convinced that we only have a certain amount of love that we can give, so we try to devote it to those we care about the most. Our entertainment is saturated with love stories, love songs and the love lives of celebrities. Just think about the way our culture operates – we’re screaming love but we’re yelling into the wind.
This year I have learned a lot about love outside of western culture — how it looks around the world, what it looks like in the Bible as well as how other religions portray love. I decided to do some research on how we understand love as humans. One of the most interesting things I learned is that most often, our home environment dictates our understanding of love. Most therapist and psychologists alike, agree that however you receive love as a child is usually how you look for it. As kids we search for love from parents, guardians, friends, whomever you had. Often this leads us astray, because no matter how amazing your parent(s) are or how horrible/absent your parent(s) were – something was instilled in you that led you away from pure love. The way, I believe, God intended it to be. Maybe you learned to perform for love? Maybe you learned to go to romantic relationships for the love you weren’t getting at home? Maybe you see love as provision for your family? Maybe you never heard “I love you” until someone needed something from you? Maybe you thought you needed to earn it? Maybe you always gave it and you never got it back? I don’t know your story but you do and I’m sure if you’re honest with yourself, you know where you tend to look for love. I have heard dozens of testimonies this year of broken pasts because of twisted understandings of love. And to be honest, I have many of my own stories.
The thing about love is it’s supposed to unite us. And in an increasingly divisive world it’s obvious that we desperately need more love. We all have a desire for it. We just don’t know where to find it. 1 Corinthians 13 is one of the most quoted passages of scripture, in religious and secular environments alike. Paul writes this powerful message to a mislead church in Corinth during the 1st century,
“If I speak in the tongues of many men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on it’s own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.”
Paul defines love for the church over 2,000 years ago and it still applies today. In fact I believe it will echo into the end of time. It is a timeless truth of what true love should look and act like. He tells the church that they could gain everything in the world but if they never have perfect love, they have nothing. This is a concept he takes from Jesus’ teaching – “For what good will it be for someone to gain the whole world but forfeit their soul?” Matthew 16:26.
I’m not saying I have all the answers, I know I’m young and my experience is limited but I can promise you that I have discovered the key to love. Not a temporary version of love. This is the answer, not just one answer. I don’t understand all of it but all I can say is this love can transform you, and it can transform the world. I have seen it at work in me, my family, my friends and all over the 13 countries we have been to. It is radical and the best news is that we do not have to do anything for this love. There is no performance. There is no manipulation. There is no losing it. You can’t fall out of it. It isn’t fleeting. It isn’t temporary. And it isn’t hard to find. The love Paul talked about seems impossible if you don’t believe in Jesus because we’ve never seen perfect love from humans. Remember when I talked about our quest to define love as a culture? Well I believe we have greatly strayed from truth because, for some reason, love has become all about us. We have to have it and we have to know how to give it, yet we fail time and time again.
The message of the gospel is simple and contradicts human wisdom: salvation is not about us but it is for us. It is not because we did anything; yet we receive it as a free gift. “This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.” 1 John 4:9-10
That’s it. That’s what I believe. That’s why I’m halfway around the world sharing the same message I’m sharing with you. God is love – and he showed us his love for us in a tangible way. And all of that is not because we, as humans, loved God, it is because he loved us. Period. Love is not about us and how well we can give and receive it. We cannot have the 1 Corinthians 13 love outside of God. Instead, “We love because he first loved us.” 1 John 4:19
If you choose to pursue this, to find it for yourself – it will flip your world upside down. Everything you have been told or taught to believe, slowly begins to change. You no longer love to be loved back. You stop giving to get. You stop running after temporary emotions because you realize that you are deeply loved by God. The creator of the universe. And nothing this world has to offer you will ever match this love.
You no longer have to search – you’ve arrived at the source.
This is not a light switch process. Most people don’t just wake up one day and get it. Christians all over the world and myself still struggle with this. But once you find the source, you have unlimited access forever. I want you, whomever you are, to be encouraged that you don’t have to understand everything to believe something. I’m telling you that you might have a million questions, you might not even know what believing in God means, but have the courage to be curious. Ask questions, look beyond your preconceived notions, give yourself and give God space to show up. Knock and the door will be opened to you.
So what’s love got to do with it? Everything. Love has everything to do with it.
