If God was “REALLY” Calling You….
If I had a dollar for every time I heard this (or something similar) followed by a ludicrous, somewhat rude, or presumptuous statement I would probably be fully funded…
But seriously, I hear this on a REGULAR basis in regards to many things. To start us off I’m going to list some examples. Ya know, just for fun.
If God was really calling you…
Don’t you think you would already have the money?
Shouldn’t your behavior be different?
Wouldn’t you have known sooner?
Then you wouldn’t be going because of a breakup.
Then why are you still scared?
Listen, I know it sounds like I’m on my high-horse over here but I promise, I’m only on the medium one. And I am getting off of it……
NOW!
I really just want to dig into some of these and maybe give you a better idea of why I think these seem slightly absurd (okay, I may have only stepped down to the low horse- I’m taking it a step at a time down here).
Don’t you think you would already have the money?
Well, No! I really don’t think I would. I have to let you guys in on a secret, it may seem like I really LOVE support raising (free-money, am I right? lol, not quite) but it is kicking me in the rear-end over here. Through support raising God has knocked me off my feet and humbled my prideful behind 500 million and ONE times and I think its an important part of the process for missionaries (I just grouped myself in as a missionary, it feels weird). The act of fully trusting God to provide IN THE LONG RUN, while working my hiney off to get there has done so much for my spiritual growth and I am SO THANKFUL for it.
Shouldn’t your behavior be different?
Ummmm, OUCH! Please know this one wasn’t said directly to me but the sting of it, it felt like that person had punched me right in the gut with those words. You’re probably wondering, what in the world could they even be talking about? ABBI IS PERFECT. I mean that’s what I was thinking… But ya know I’m prideful and this was one of God’s many tactics to put me in my place. So, I’m going to confess something, I have a mouth. When my anxiety is bad my “Jesus filter” seems to peace out of town and it is not something I am proud of but it is definitely something I am working on (with lots of prayer). So, to the person that said this or any of you who have thought this (I know you exist out there) please know that being called to the mission field did not automatically make me a saint and I still need God’s grace just as much as the rest of the world.
Wouldn’t you have known sooner?
If we want to get super technical with this one, I have always known that God was calling me to the mission field in some capacity. And listen up, I was excited about that ISH and if it had been up to me I would have gone years ago. But, it isn’t up to me and God knew I needed to grow my trust in him some more first. Actually, I generally needed to grow more so, God kept saying my oh so favorite statement, WAIT!! Go back and read that laced with all of the sarcasm you can muster and know it probably still isn’t a sufficient amount. So, I guess I kind of knew sooner but not really, God doesn’t really give you a guide map of your life. Therefore, no I don’t think I would have known sooner.
Then you wouldn’t be going because of a break up.
In the words of Stephanie Tanner, How Rude!? But seriously, I want to make it very clear that I AM NOT GOING BECAUSE OF A BREAK UP!! I think it is extremely important for people to understand this so, let me give you an idea of how this actually went down. God used a relationship and a pretty rough break up to break me down, chip away at myself, and grow me closer to him. This prepared me for what he has planned for me and I believe that is why I am going post-breakup. Not, because of a breakup but because of God and what his plans are for me.
Then why are you still scared?
My sweet (when he wants to be) brother put it this way, “people need to remember that you are leaving everyone and everything you love, it’s going to be way harder for you.” And there is some truth to that. My fear isn’t a bad fear, I am not terrified to leave. I am just anxious about leaving my home of 23 years, my family, and my friends but I am choosing to place that anxiousness in God’s hands. And I am incredibly excited to finally meet my squad family!!
Bottom line her is: I do love Jesus, I do make mistakes, I do need grace, and I am kind of nervous but God’s plan is greater than any of ours and he is calling me to this not in spite of who I am but because of who he created me to be.
I am not called because he equipped me, I am equipped because he is calling me. I am not special, I am not an incredible person but I am who God created me to be and he created me for his purpose so, I MUST follow him.
