Why God? A question I ask way too often. There are times I get frustrated and I seriously just want to scream, WHY GOD? Or WHY ME? Why do bad things happen to good people? Why do people starve? Why do children get abused, abandoned, sold into sex/human trafficking? Why are families torn apart? Why does it seem sometimes the world is against us? Why do people steal, murder, hurt, lie, cheat? Why are You asking me to do this? WHY? Then I am reminded lean not on your on understanding, but God, I want to understand, it’s hard to do as You say when I don’t understand. Why can’t You just tell me? Sometimes He is protecting my heart, or maybe the reason was as simple as they were needed in heaven or maybe He has told you but you didn’t want to hear so you weren’t willing to listen. God has perfect timing and it’s not always for our understanding. This is a hard concept for me, I want to know the reasons behind everything right then and that’s not how it works. Yes, I was that annoying little kid that after everything I was told I asked why and sometimes my mom would respond with “because I said” and a lot of times that’s what I feel God is saying to me, don’t ask why just do. Have a yes in your spirit, but again sometimes that’s hard and uncomfortable. So I ask for prayers, this isn’t easy, I do miss home, I know I was called to do this but that doesn’t mean that makes it any easier. That doesn’t mean I don’t miss my family, house and friends, I left everything I’ve ever known and that’s hard. I can do hard things, we all can, and I have to remind myself that everyday. I’m not saying I don’t love it here and that I’m not learning more than I ever imagined about myself, God, community, Spanish, concrete, building walls, and much more. I’ve also realized I did take things for granted and I do feel entitled to most things that I don’t actually need, like my cell phone, internet, my car. All in all I’m beyond blessed, but I could really use prayers because I do mis home and like every other human in the world I have bad days! I love you all, thanks so much for the support and I would love to hear from everyone over the next few weeks!
