*A quick food for thought i just wanted to share with you all :)*
I was going to write about my week and HOW INCREDIBLY the Lord has shown up over and over and over to not only me but this squad. I was going to write about the tears, the dancing, JJ, Lazarus, and so much more (which is coming in the future for sure) but I wanted to address the realities the Lord brought to me in our designated “blog writing” time.
That is,
What connotations do we bring to altar with us?
What vision of God do we have before we commit everything to Him?
What is it all really worth when pains leave you marred?
One thing that the Lord has revealed to me on this race is that I have never found my identity in Him. I can feed off the energy of others and their acceptance of who I am. I can think about what I am to say or the lack there of at times. I can be lifted so high by the words of others and be so low almost simultaneously if the conditions are right. But an identity in Jesus results in a rooted relationship unknown by the words, ideas, and purposes of others. It’s stands resolute to its stationed purpose for glory. It runs to others with words of life and chases out the darkness. The identity that flows from Jesus results in an “othersideness” I just can’t really explain and…He’s inviting me into it. All of it.
A life to the full. Not a full one.
I was listening to a song recently that really made me think about how tragedy can strike not only at life but our identity. Being found means that we don’t move the light, but it moves for US and to US. So, in this grand discovery of identity, where do I stand when everything is taken? When everything is broken in front of my life and I am left shattered on the unmopped floor of it’s hidden pain?
When I am faced with the death of all of my children? When I am faced with all that I have worked for in my life, gone? When I am faced with the one I have devoted my life to love totally reject God’s promises and purpose? When I am stricken to the bone on a bed of sickness, where will I stand?
Where will any of us stand?
As I have let these questions trickle down my face, I find myself in the temple, standing before the veil. TETELESTAI is shouted in the distance as agony pours out from Satan and my tears reverse. Not the loss. Not the pain. Not the confusion. But there the veil falls and I see a spotless lamb bloodied. I see my Dad waiting for me. Ready to run through the garden again and carry all the pain, loss, and confusion, HALLELUJAH.
These questions question the God who questioned all of OUR logic and reason and sent His perfect son to die for an imperfect creation.
Shimmering glory that stands confidently in front of all my questions, hurts, pains, doubts, reason, and logic.
There is NOTHING that can happen to me that the Father has not already shouted out my value, proclaimed belonging over his son, and YES, oh come to spend every moment with me, come home.
How thin do I view Him and His love where I can begin to compare the struggles of this life in comparison to the GLORY waiting for me A BILLION LIGHT YEARS away? Comparatively, I’ll lose and fall to my knees weeping.
See, identity can’t be shaken because God is immovable on the subject of sonship and love. He made that very clear on the cross. So I have decided this season of life is one to, for the first time, walk with Him in sweet friendship and discipleship. To steal away and wipe away my tears on all His promises. The race provides the tune, God provides all the words.
So I guess I’ll starting singing now.
“Though the fig tree should not blossom,
nor fruit be on the vines,
the produce of the olive fail
and the fields yield no food,
the flock be cut off from the fold
and there be no herd in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the Lord;
I will take joy in the God of my salvation.
God, the Lord, is my strength;
he makes my feet like the deer’s;
he makes me tread on my high places.”
Habakkuk 3:17-19
-will
