Hello Everyone.
I’m glad you are here.
——————————
FIRST and FOREMOST, thank you ALL for your prayers and donations and I am so thankful for that fact that this trip is TWO-THIRDS OF THE WAY FUNDED(over $10,000)! Whoop Whoop! Praise God and thank you all so much.
…So about this whole blogging thing…
I’m just not too sure what you might find as I (FINALLY) begin to share with you the deep pings of my soul along with its triumphed joys and considerable brokenness, but know I hope to always convey the inclusive love of Jesus for you in whatever season, state, story, or belief you bring.
Nowww
Growing up, I knew the Gospel. I knew like any other considerable VBS AND Awanas attendee would. I had parents that not only dedicated their life for its purpose but also a sister who seemed to have genuinely given herself over to it as well. I always thought the Gospel was a good thing. Jesus saved me, good. I have been saved, awesome. If I died tonight I know that I would go to heaven, not hell, phew.
The Gospel for such a long time in my life was the miraculous gift of grace and mercy that saved me from wrath I deserved. Consequently, I was given new life with new passions, desires, and hopes. Those are great and wonderful things. But even in that, I still struggled with a feeling of joy and satisfaction.
“The Spirit is willing but the flesh is weak” (Mat. 26:41)
The promises of the Gospel were in my mind but there was a lack of connection between the redemption I thought of and the aches I felt. There was to be joy in suffering for all the beautiful moments in my life where God picked me up out of sin and delivered me. Particularly, the enjoyment of doing such after those moments. The answer, I have come to realize, is a part of the Gospel that I didn’t know about nor realized for a large part of my Christian walk. Yes, I was told about how Jesus had changed the lives of others and to truly follow him was in a relationship. But that word “relationship” didn’t really hit me as a communicative and intimate experience until early this year. Through listening to a sermon by John Piper (“What is it like to Enjoy God?” Totally recommend it!!!) he walked through the fact that Jesus Christ died not to grant me salvation, minus God. To get me out of heaven, minus God. But that he bore the guilt and shame so that I can know Him! The Creator God of the universe, I was reconciled to know.
Now taking what I said from before. Jesus saved me, good because I can now experience and know God! I have been saved, awesome because I can now taste the joy and gladness that ensues from relationship with my Father. If I died tonight I know that I would go to heaven, not hell because of Jesus Christ and through that I will spend eternity praising Him!
“For Christ also suffered once for sins, the righteous for the unrighteous, that he might bring us to God, being put to death in the flesh but made alive in the spirit,” (1 Peter 3:18)
Not only are we saved.
Not only are we freed.
Not only are we bound together.
Not only are we adopted.
Not only are we cleansed.
Not only are we being sanctified (holla).
Not only do we have a great high priest.
But when the veil was torn in two and thousands of years of sacrifice were finally fulfilled and finished in the blood of Jesus Christ on the cross, we were given the pleasure of knowing God. To be able to talk to the creator of the universe. To be able to cry out to Him as a loving father. To be able to trust in His promises. To be able to scream with our innermost perversions and confusions to Him. And if anything, that is where he has me.
When I fail or feel inadequate to the bar I set for myself sometimes, it doesn’t take too long to feel hopelessly subpar. That weight can bury me sometimes to the point of apathetic communication and desire for him. Yet, those are the things He desires most from me. He has taught me that if there is anything he wants, it is those subpar moments I let myself live in. He wants all the moments I just don’t feel worthy enough to go to Him. When I am feeling distant and far off from Him then I need to worship Him and rejoice in my salvation. The brokenness and confusion he wants to know and for me to talk to Him about it. He wants my confessions and wants my repentance.
So what I am trying to say in all this?
I want to build my house on the consecrated Rock. To have dug deep and found myself surrounded by joy, sacrifice, gladness, brokenness, tears and see the floods of life break against it. I can’t help but feel the call of abandonment by the Lord to Himself. To lay down my life, securities, comfort, and desires to truly abandon everything and know God. That is my call to the World Race. To my future family members/squad mates.
Thanks for reading if you got this far. I Hope to talk to you soon again.
Best,
-Will
