This past month my former team and I were in Cambodia. We were supposed to be with a host for two weeks and finish up around Easter. Unfortunately our time with our host got cut short. We spent about 8 days there. But while we were there we experienced some incredible things. We were working with Joyner and her mother Uma! They are a family from Korea who was looking for their next move after the sudden loss of Uma’s husband and Joyner’s dad. Her dad by the way passed away the same way my father did, brain cancer. They found some villages and have been raising Sunday school teachers and spreading the word and knowledge throughout them. While at thue village we spent time teaching children english, sharing bible stories, and teaching the Sunday school teachers more english. Most of these kids have never even left the village so it was an incredible treat to get to see how smart they are. The four kids we taught mainly, Sayorn, Srey Pich, Thida and Yung Jae, are incredible kids. They have been with the ministry for two years and are a big part of leading people in the village to God. They all aspire to be either teachers, doctors, or missionaries. These kids coming from fishing villages who’s main way of travel is boat and have never seen a McDonald’s want to be mission doctors. They have such high dreams from coming from such small circumstances. And I loved every minute of being with them and learning from them.
April is the hottest month in Cambodia. We were staying in the Prek Toal Village. This village thrives in the wet season. It was currently the end of dry season so it has been drying up. The river is low. The air is humid and hot. The people don’t want to do anything. The main occupation in the village is fishing and there are no fish.
So what do people who live off of fishing do when there’s no fish?
In the village they sit, they drink, they sleep. They do just about everything except trying to fish. Which strangely sounds just like me once we left the village.
This thought just came to me because it’s something I’m walking through right now. We have been in a country where not everyone speaks English. It’s freaking hot here. The thought of pushing myself to go outside and find ministry is daunting. A few steps and you’re drenched. When I sweat I don’t even want to talk to myself let alone other people. I am a fisherman and I feel like there are no fish. So what do I do when it seems like there isn’t anything to do?
That’s something that has been hanging over me a lot this past week and half. I have been down. I have felt out. A sense of bleh has resided over me and is just now leaving. My motivation to even hit my own goals that don’t require me walking outside has been diminished. Lazy is a word I feel. Selfish. Zombie. These describe what I’ve been walking through. My prayer has been what am I doing here? For someone who sure loves to talk about loving others along the way and letting God bring them to us I sure haven’t felt that way recently. And the people are there but I feel like I’m the one who’s missing. So just like the men in the village I have chosen to sit and let the heat get me. Instead of getting in the boat and heading out to try anyways I have felt like letting the thought of there being no fish eat my spirit.
There are fish. There have been a lot of people I have encountered this month that have proven to me God is still providing people to share with. Seeds have been planted but I haven’t been motivated. So how do we move from a spot of apathy? As I was talking to my friend Nicole, pretty much my little sister who became my big sister, I was reminded to quit being a little girl, to politely put it, and also that no one is going to do this for me. And I know that but it’s nice to hear it. I have known that I have been in this zombie state recently and I have been hoping to come out of it but haven’t taken any action on to help me out of it. I need community just like this in my life. To get in my face and tell me the truth even when it’s not my favorite. So I’m choosing to exit this little slump because as with a lot of things in life it is a choice. It’s that simple. If we wait to do things until we feel like it, we won’t ever do it. It probably won’t be easy but nothing worthwhile ever is.
So I am asking for prayer! Prayer for myself as I am moving forward. Prayer for my squad as we move into a new country with new teams. And prayer to finish these two months strong and take full advantage of everything God has been providing. To not sit back and look over the river thinking about how there aren’t any fish. But instead to climb into the boat and move forward trusting God will take care of me.
UPDATE: New teams. Our last team was together for five months. We have gotten placed on new teams and I am excited to create more relationships and grow in new ways. We head out for Vietnam on the third of May and then Indonesia for the month of June. After that I will be home!! For some amount of time at least. I appreciate the prayers and kind words I have gotten on this journey. I love y’all!
