Dependence. Dependence on the Lord. Something that seems like such a “yeah duh” concept. Of course we are supposed to depend on the Lord, put our trust in Him and fully believe. But dependence doesn’t come easy, not after a life full of sin. Dependence comes after sitting in brokenness. Brokenness is a WHOLE different topic for a whole nother blog, but it also doesn’t just come from nothing. It comes from surrendering.
Since starting the race, I knew I was going to be surrendering things. Things like
•hot showers
•a comfy bed
•cold brew coffee
•my friends
•leggings
•healthy food
•the gym
•my nike shorts
•chick fil a
and quite a few others. What I didn’t realize though was that God was going to ask me to surrender so much more. It’s only month 2 and since then God has asked me to lay down things at the foot of the cross that I have been holding on to for years. Things like
•Graduate school
•my pride
•control
•perfection
•fundraising
•my plans for the future
•busyness
•comfort
•contentment
as well as a few more i’m still processing.
Surrendering all of these things is by far one of the hardest things I have ever done. Some of them I have to surrender daily. If I don’t, then I’m not able to fully depend on the Lord. Slowly but surely God is helping me weed my garden and pull out everything that isn’t bearing fruit or is hindering me from growing. He is teaching me how to sit in my brokenness afterwards, and how important that is. I’ve learned how hard it is not to pick up the things I lay down, and how relentless our Father is when I do. He will continue to ask me to lay things down that He knows are not benefiting me, no matter how many times I take them back. He wants it all. Surrender is not a one time thing. It’s something that I am going to continue to do for years to come, but I am learning how to surrender now, surrender quickly and surrender all.
