Story time:
Ever since I was a little girl, I remember wanting to become a teacher. I loved to read to all my stuffed animals and my favorite book was “Are you my mother?” I loved my elementary school teachers. They were so patient with me because honestly…I was pretty terrible. I respected my teachers and really wanted to make them proud of me, but due to my parents leaving all the time (military parents) my young heart was overwhelmed with emotion. But my teachers were absolute ANGELS! They were always so patient and kind to me. They would hold me tight and wipe away my tears. This was the case all the way through elementary school. But when I entered a new school in New Mexico…everything changed for me. My teachers were okay…but I went unnoticed. This happened all the way through high school. I was never terrible at school, but I am also no honor roll student either. I was not loud or demanded attention. I was actually extremely shy throughout middle school and high school. I was just a mediocre kid who stayed in the middle. But I remember being noticed by a few teachers along the way (who went after the one) and these few teachers made me feel like I could be something. Like, I was more than just a pretty face.
When I entered college, I decided to become an early childhood education major. I started to work at a daycare in a 4 year old classroom and I LOVED IT! Seriously. It was hard. It was a patient tester. But everyday at work, I felt like my job was making an impact. So as I started to dive into my education classes, I gained this passion for children that I never knew I had. I wanted every child to know that they are smart and that they can do it. I remember my sister being labeled as one of the “slower students” because she just could not get it and this had a HUGE effect on how she viewed her mind. She never thought she was smart or capable but if you looked at her now, she is literally brilliant and has one of the most disciplined minds. Shoutout to her AMAZING teachers along the way!!!! You believed in her and she began to believe in herself (and as her big sister who is literally her biggest fan, I thank you with all that I am!)
But anyways, back to college. So I was doing great in my education classes and loving every moment. I loved my job. I was so excited to become a teacher. But then I took a test to see if I could make it into certain classes to finish my degree and let me tell you, it seemed like EVERYONE passed this test. I was nervous…but only a little. So I took the test and felt okay. A few weeks past and everyone is getting the results that they passed!! I was so excited for them!! When the time came and it was time for me to open my email to see how I did…
I failed.
And to be honest with you, I was devastated. I felt like my dreams came crashing down. I felt alone. I began to question myself and question if I was even smart enough to finish college. I decided to try and not let this get to me. I continued in my classes and began to pray. I prayed for the Lord to show me. To show me why I did not pass. Did I not study enough? Was it nerves? Was I just not smart enough? Was this even where He wanted me? I then asked the big question, “Lord, do you want me to lay down my dream of becoming a teacher or do you want to me to try again?” The answer to this question would change my life forever. The Lord answered me and He said,
“Lay it all down.”
This really sucked. I was so confused because I had my whole life figured out. I was going to become a teacher, get married, have a few of my own children, become a stay at home mom, and boom…that was going to be my life
But God has a sense of humor.
This plan for my life was good. Teaching, becoming a wife, and becoming a mom are all lovely things. These things honor God and His kingdom. But the position of my heart was not in the right place. I wanted these things because I was comfortable with them and believed that this was why I was created. I had other desires in my heart but had no confidence that I could go after them. I have the highest respect for teachers and moms, seriously. I still want both of those things SO BAD!! But at the time, I knew I was made for something different. I had a feeling my life would look different from what is considered the American dream and I knew people would call me crazy. So when the Lord started to work in my heart and put new desires in me, I began to start to walk in my true calling. I began to walk in my true desires which is this: To know Jesus and make Him known.
And two years later…I am here. I am on the World Race and I am learning so much about the Father and His love for the world. I am growing in my identity. I am learning my calling. I am being refined to the person I was created to be. I am falling more and more in love with Jesus. And one more thing, I am teaching again. My team is teaching at a primary school here in Rwanda and y’all, my heart feels so at rest. Every day we have the chance to love these children with abundance. We get to believe in them. We get to be silly and win smiles all morning long. We get to encourage them that even if they don’t get it the first time or the tenth, that they are still smart and can do it! We get to kiss boo boos and wipe away tears. We get to see the joy of the Lord through a child and friends, I am living in a dream. Now, I don’t know what the future holds for me after the race but I do know this…teaching abroad has been one of my favorite memories so far and I am feeling so swept away by Jesus. He is wooing my heart all over again!!
