Dear Freshman-Year Me,
You did it. These next 4 (½) years will FLY by…but they will also feel like a lifetime. These will be the most painful yet beautiful years of your life. You will cry A LOT of tears. Some of them will be from pure joy but a lot of them will be from deep pain. These memories will change you and I promise you this, you will leave this university a completely different person.
You will be a stupid freshman and skip way too many classes. You will attempt to do many all-nighters and NEVER make it (haha I’m weak and need sleep). You will live off caffeine. You will start your very first job at a daycare, end up working there for three years, and fall completely in love with those kiddos. They will change you and love you when you are unlovable.
Now, when it comes to school, you are going to have to (drum roll please)…STUDY!!! I know, I know, weird concept. You will figure it out (eventually) but first, you will have to fail a few times. You will have to beg your professor to let you pass humanities because let’s be real, that class sucked. You will fail math because you skipped class way too many times and lacked motivation (sorry mom). You will learn from this failure and put all your hours into passing this class again. Can I tell you something real quick? TAKE YOUR EDUCATION SERIOUSLY. You are blessed to have this opportunity.
You will join a sorority (woooo Sigma Kappa) and make memories that you will never forget. You will participate in a hypnotist show (fake it the whole time) and perform a lip sync version of “Hit Me Baby One More Time” in front of the freshman class (lol!) Also, everyone will think your name is ACTUALLY Britney (lol x2). You will participate in homecoming and make lots of Taco Bell trips (hello freshman 15!) You will meet the most amazing, fun, and challenging people. You will live in the tiniest dorm (rush West Hall), potluck your roommate (who has the same name), and be completely blessed by her friendship (love you Shelbs). You will spend time making friends (and not studying) on the fourth floor of the library. You will go to hockey games because your university ROCKS at hockey (and the boys were pretty dang cute and foreign).
.
.
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You will not call home ever…which is a mistake. Your family misses you like crazy. They are worried about you. You will run so far away from who you used to be. You will beg for people to love and accept you. You will spend every weekend of your first semester partying because that is where you feel free. Free from yourself. The alcohol helps you silence the voices in your head that are telling you how worthless you are, but this only works for a little while. You will put your whole worth in how that boy made you feel (which was good, then bad, then worthless). You won’t respect yourself. You will give your heart away like it is everyone’s to keep (and sweet girl, it isn’t). You will only see yourself as “the life of the party” and never anything else.
You don’t believe you are smart.
You don’t believe you have a purpose.
You don’t believe you are beautiful.
You don’t believe you have value.
You just want someone to want you and you will go to almost any extent to feel that. You are covered in shame and guilt. You feel empty and so alone.
But, my girl, your story is about to change.
You are about to know just how loved and adored you are for just being, well, you. You are going to cry out to Jesus (the man you kinda knew OF your entire life…but never really knew) and wow, is He going to change you. You are going to be in an almost fatal car accident that will strip you away from EVERYTHING. You are going to experience grace and so much of it. You are going to be forgiven of everything you have done (PRAISE BE TO GOD) and set free from who you were.
You will start a journey of living loved. It won’t be easy. It won’t make sense a lot of the times…but just trust Him. His plan for you is better than anything you could of imagined. You will no longer be bound to the woman you used to be. In Christ, you will be made completely new and because of that, you will be free. You will be free to never be the same again.
Oh and Jesus will call you on a crazy, but beautiful adventure called The World Race. He wants you to experience Him and truly know what it takes to live for the sake of the Gospel. You may never feel ready for this calling but trust me, my girl, Jesus is ready for you.
“Darkness thought it had me, but it did not know my God. It did not know the story He would write for me to tell.”
Sincerely,
Almost graduate me
I am so thankful for these last 4 (½) years. I was introduced to the love of my life (JESUS) and have never been the same. I am so wild for Him and He is so wild for me. I am less than a month away until I begin this journey. I would love for YOU to partner with me and be apart people experiencing the perfect love of Jesus Christ. Will you consider supporting me financially to bring the good news of Jesus into the world? Some people are called to GO and some people are called to SEND. Your support will bring me to the places that are hungry for the Gospel.
I want to thank everyone who has supported me and this journey so far! I am so thankful and my heart is oh so full 🙂
– with so much love, Shelby
