Have you ever done something that made you feel so amazing and so free and then somebody made a comment…and that comment caused your heart to sink. That comment won’t leave you alone and seems to follow you everywhere you go. When you have forgiven that person, brushed off what they said, and tried to move on…you still remember. It is like that comment is following you and right when you feel free, it reminds you of who you are not.
For me, this comment came during a time of worship. I was standing alone, front row of my church, and worshipping the love of my life with all that I am. I was jumping, dancing, and singing with my whole heart. I felt so free and so in love. After the sermon, I had someone come up to me and make a comment about the way I was worshipping. This person said, “Shelby, I have to tell you something. The way you were worshipping looked like a kid who lost their mom. It was so funny.”
Yeah…ouch. I tried to play it off for a moment but I could not pretend to be okay. In this moment, I felt like a joke. I felt like a kid.
I was burning on the inside with intense hurt and bursted into tears. I was told that this person was just kidding. I was told that I shouldn’t have taken that comment so seriously and I needed to lighten up. I was told to learn how to take a joke. But in that moment, this “joke” poked at my insecurities until I began to view myself in a way that I never wanted to see. I began to see myself as someone that no one would take seriously. I saw myself as someone that is a complete fool. I saw myself as someone who is trapped. I saw myself as someone without depth.
I saw myself as a kid.
In all reality, the person who said this probably didn’t even mean it the way I took it. But I took it very hard and it definitely reflected the way I started to worship. I began to focus on how I looked during worship and to make sure I do not look like a fool again. I got in my own head and this comment spiraled out of control. I lost focus of who I was worshipping and what worship even was.
But let me tell you this, Worship starts with love.
Love. It is all about love. God’s love for us and our love for Him. My heart longs for Him. And friends, here is where I found freedom: At training camp, I was finally worshipping the way I used to and felt so free in this SUPER dark room. It really felt like it was just me and Jesus. I just wanted to praise the One who saved me. After worship one day, a girl came up to me and said,
“Wow Shelby! I love the way you worship! It’s so free” and my instant reaction was to say, “I know, I know. I look like a kid.”
Her response changed everything (thank you sweet friend) and she said, “Shelby, you look like a child who loves her Father. Looks like child-like faith to me.”
This comment pointed me back to the Cross. This comment pointed me back to what worship is. I was reminded of who I am,
I am not a kid who is lost. I am a CHILD who is FOUND.
This comment raised me back up again. I truly believe what the enemy used for harm, GOD used for good. I was so focused on myself that I forgot where it all started —> God saving me. Worship is our gift back to God! It our expression of love and gratitude for WHO He is and WHAT He has done for us. I want you to get something from this post and that is this,
You can be free, too. You can be free from the lies people have spoken over you. You can be free from the lies you have spoken over yourself. You do not have to hold onto them ANYMORE! Give them to Jesus, friend. He will hold them for you. He will hold your pain, your insecurities, your past, and he will replace it all with love. So much love and grace. This love brings us to WORSHIP HIM. He is worthy!
– with so much love, Shelby
