I am about to tell you all my absolute favorite story to tell! It is a (TRUE) story about a girl who was filled with so much shame, rejection and hurt that she rejected the one who has loved her before the beginning of time. Yep…you guessed it! That girl is me.
I grew up with good morals. I knew right from wrong and I followed the rules…most of the time. I was a good kid. I was a good person. I went into my freshman year of college not knowing a soul. I wanted to make friends so I followed anyone who offered an invite. I started to make friends and with new friends, comes new experiences. I have never been a part of the “party life” but I was desperate to make friends, so I gave it a shot (literally.) I began to LIVE for the weekend. I just wanted to “get through” my weeks so I could party. I found my entire worth in what people thought of me. I didn’t believe I was smart, I didn’t believe I was capable, and I didn’t believe I had worth. I believed what everyone told me. They told me I was “fun” and “a good time” but that was it. That is all I thought I was worth.
I remember waking up and feeling empty. I have felt like this before but this time, it was different. This time I wanted to change it. I met up with a girl who seemingly had it “all together” and my goal was to be just like her (HA! We all know how that usually works out.) She loved Jesus…like REALLY loved him and so I decided to “love” Jesus too. I just needed to do what she did and I would then become the person I wanted to be. I began to go to church, do bible studies, serve the community…ya know what “Christians” do.
All of these good deeds were great…until they weren’t.
I failed–over and over again.
I skipped Bible study for a party, I went to church hungover, and I still did the things I regret. Why couldn’t I stop? Why did God not change my desires? Why did I still do the things I hate? Why did I still feel alone? God changed EVERYONE around me BUT me. Was I not as loved as them?
It was a dark night. I was alone in my dorm room, curled up in a ball. My hair was soaking wet. I couldn’t even open my eyes because of all the tears. I was yelling. I just wanted God to hear me. I wanted him to change me. Why wasn’t he saving me? Why did I feel alone? Why did I feel afraid? Why did I just want to end my life? Was I not worthy of his love?
I felt empty and that was the moment I decided to reject the idea of God.
Have you ever felt that way?
Have you ever felt ignored by God?
Have you ever felt like he did not love you as much as he loved someone else?
Here is the truth and here is where my story begins:
God hears you. God sees you. And God will rescue you.
One week after I completely rejected God, I finally heard him. I was driving from work, crossing a busy intersection, and I was hit on the drivers’ side. It was direct impact and my body was crushed into my car. Firefighters had to pull me out and rip all my clothes off to find where the blood was coming from. My body went from fight mode…to lifeless. They wrote me down as a fatality.
I thought I was ready to give my life away, that I would be okay with it all ending.
But God had another plan.
I woke up changed. It wasn’t just my body that was saved, but also my soul. The darkness in my life was taken away and my eyes were finally opened to see the light. It wasn’t by the works that I did, that I was saved. It was by grace. I rejected God. I was his foe and still, his love fought for me.
Grace changed everything.
I am not perfect and I never will be. I sin and constantly fail, but grace. God picked up my pieces, my broken pieces, and made them beautiful. He does this every time (because let’s be real, I am a mess.)
This is my “Why” behind the World Race. I want to share the grace Jesus has shared with me. I alone can not bring anyone to Jesus; Jesus brings people to Jesus but I can love and that is the closest thing to Jesus I know how to do.
UPDATE: I am so thankful for all the amazing people who have been supporting and sending me to go share Jesus with the world! My next goal is $10,000 by December and I can’t do this without you guys! Please consider financially supporting me because YOU matter so much in this!!!! If you want to join this journey, you can click the donate button above (which is doubles as a tax deductible) or you can Venmo me @ Shelby-Kaplan-3
Thank you guys so much! This means the world to me.
