WHAT’S NEXT? (for the quick answer, scroll on down to the bottom)
Well, where does your heart break in the world? How does that align with your calling to bring God’s kingdom?
These questions rocked my world during the second of my nine months overseas in Cambodia.
On the mission field, there is a bit of a stigma against returning to the original plans you had before embarking on such an adventure – a sort of pressure that the evidence of any transformation is found in leaving with a radically different plan than what you started with. This expectation sent me into a bit of a spiral: one where I wondered if I was really chasing after what the Lord was asking of me or if I was limiting myself simply to what was most comfortable.
So, I decided to ask the Lord where He really wanted me. All deferments and nursing aside – what desires and passions had He given me from His own heart and how could I serve in those areas? When I prayed, He took me back to where my heart had broken throughout my life. At first, it seemed to be a random jumble of many different areas and populations. He took me back to a feeding program for the homeless I had volunteered with, a burn-unit job shadow, high school student outreach – even my great grandpa’s nursing home! I had no clue as to how these connected or how I would manage to serve every one of these populations with only one occupation.
As I continued to meditate on the details of each of these events, He revealed that in each of these areas there was an underlying similarity: these groups of people were either outcast or overlooked. My heart was breaking for these people – not because of their specific situation, but because of their specific treatment.
A lot of the time, the people in this world that are in most need of love are the ones not receiving so much as a smile in their direction, or even acknowledgment of their situation. There are groups of people who are underprivileged with people advocating for them. Then, there are groups of people who are underprivileged and on top of that, deal with feeling unseen, neglected, and isolated. This last year, I’ve had the blessing of being able to serve in four third-world countries. My heart has broken a thousand times seeing the poverty around me, seeing children without parents and parents who can barely put food on the table. But, I’ve realized it cuts me even deeper when I see rejection, abandonment, and isolation in the midst of it. So many people who have some of the hardest battles are fighting them alone.
In order to serve Jesus, we have to serve like Jesus. When I look over His three years of ministry on earth – I see Him going out of His way to love people society didn’t expect Him to even associate with. I see Him singling out the people lost in the crowd and longing to know them. I long to do the same with my nursing degree. This brings me to one of the beauties of nursing that attracted me in the first place: the emphasis of wholistic care of the patient – body, mind, and spirit. I used to picture myself going into the ‘exciting’ specialties, the ones where you always had to be on your toes. Recently though, God has shifted my focus to one that asks me to do exactly the opposite. To instead, focus on bringing His life and love into the places that people aren’t necessarily flocking to as soon as they receive their nursing license. By going to the places that lack the zealous love of Christ, it allows the time that these patients are in the hospital to be used both as a time for physical recovery and as a time to be emotionally poured into. Perhaps, creating one of the rarer times that they feel seen, known, and connected. There isn’t a specific specialty I feel called towards, but instead the simple call to go and see the unseen, to go and hear the unheard, and to love the unlovable and learn how this is effectively applied in the hospital setting.
Of ALL the things that draw me to nursing, I am most passionate about the idea of going into a field that represents so many aspects of Jesus. To be surrounded by a community of other nurses will surely inspire and spur me into even deeper levels of compassion. By asking for the Lord’s eyes and ears, I am confident that He will take me to the unseen and unheard and allow me to be His hands and feet through the emphasis of that is placed on wholistic health.
SooOOOOoo I will be studying nursing in the fall of 2019 at Azusa Pacific! I am incredibly excited about it. If you have any questions, feel free to reach out! Will be posting a blog soon about Costa Rica ministry 🙂
