Last night launch officially ended and my squad and I began our four day journey to Swaziland. A quick rundown of our schedule: we left the hotel at 1:30am to catch a 6am flight to Boston. Currently, I am in Boston for a 14 hour layover. The perk of that is we got to go and explore Boston for a few hours which I am grateful for (another city I can check off my list). At 11pm we will hop on a plane for 12 hours to Qatar. And after another 14 hour layover there, we will fly to Johannesburg, South Africa. I am apart of the second group who will stay the night there before catching a bus to Nsoko, Swaziland where the Adventures in Missions base is located. This is not an easy few days of travel, but it will be so worth it when we get to dive right into the ministry that God has for us.
Launch was four days full of tears and being overwhelmed. Here’s a look into my whirlpool of emotions the last few days…
Written on Sunday 9/9/18
I am writing this here in Atlanta during day two of launch weekend! The Lord is teaching me so much already about yielding, trusting, and finding joy in a time of high stress and discomfort.
In all honesty and transparency, I have cried everyday for the last week and been paralyzed with fear: fear of homesickness, discomfort and loneliness. I have repeated to myself over and over “I can’t do this. I feel alone. I don’t want to go on the race.” It’s for certain that two of these things are false… I am NOT alone and I DO want to go on the race. But it is true that I CANNOT do this. I can’t do this in my own strength. The Lord has given me the courage to make it this far and will give me the strength to thrive this next nine months. He has chosen me for this.
I have really been struggling with staying positive. The enemy has been feeding me lies ever since I arrived in Atlanta. The waves of emotion have been hitting hard and I’ve been internally spiraling into a negative and self-centered whirlpool. Saying goodbye to my family was really tough and I already miss them. I have to say goodbye to my parents tomorrow (9/10/18) and I haven’t processed what that is going to feel like. The longest I’ve been away from them is 11 days…
From the beginning of this journey I have known that it would not be comfortable or easy. Here at launch everything that I’ve prepared for since January is finally coming to life.
So three days later, here’s where I’m at…
I said goodbye to my parents Monday and it was hard, but an essential part of this process and journey. That night at worship, I prayed to the Lord that my pain would not be wasted, because honestly it really sucks. I can only hope that He would use me to be able to serve someone else because I have gone through this “abandonment process.” That night God also put something on my heart that I still haven’t quite processed. Before my mom left, she told me that a light bulb popped into her head that this next nine months would be the exact same time period that my birth mother was carrying me (September-June). 18 years later I will get to experience a time of growth and even rebirth paralleled.
The Lord told me to think about the pain that my birth mother experienced while carrying me and knowing that she would have to abandon me. While so many questions went through my mind when He gave me this to think about, the main one was this: How does my pain now relate to my birth mother’s pain 18 years ago?
This has not been easy, but I am already learning so much. I am thankful for the best family, squad and squad leaders that all will push me to grow. I am excited to see how the Lord works to answer the questions he’s given me to process.
I will be blogging once a week and cannot wait to tell you all about the journey. Please pray for safe travels as we continue our trek to Swazi!
With Love,
Sarah
