Surprise, I have about 50 things on my to do list today and all I want to do is curl up on my couch, write, and eat ice cream sandwiches.
Friday morning at 4:30 am my alarm clock went off and I rolled out of bed to head to my first day of work as a Nurse Extern on the Labor and Delivery floor. I was nervous and didn’t really know what to expect. To be honest, I’ve kind of been over the whole nursing gig lately, which I attribute to last semester running me in the ground, mentally, physically, and emotionally (shoutout to you med surg II).
It has scared me that I’ve spent the past year and a half pouring every ounce of my energy into becoming a nurse. Have I wasted my time? Is this really what I’m supposed to do? Did I hear God wrong? You name it, I’ve thought it. I hate passing pills, making beds, and charting. Have I missed something somewhere? Where is the passion I know I once had for this?
6:40 rolls around and I clock & scrub in. I immediately got put with the tech to go take vitals on women who weren’t even in labor. I was hoping I would get to see a birth, but it was only the first day so I wasn’t too disappointed.. okay maybe a little.
Later in the afternoon I was walking down the hall when everyone started running and I saw a mom being rushed back to the OR. It was one of those moments where you feel completely useless and every second is lasting way longer than it should. I looked around and saw a dad standing looking about as helpless as I felt. His wife was being rushed back and he was trying to figure out how to dress out to be able to go into the OR. I showed him what he needed to put on, helped him get his booties on, and tied his mask for him. I took him as far back as I could and showed him the next door to walk through.
Just as I was walking back to leave that area a nurse came running by (we do a lot of running if you didn’t catch on) and said in passing to throw on a mask & hair net and to come back.
When I got back the baby had already been born, and shortly after the dad was escorted out to see the baby. I looked over to see this sweet mom laying on an operating table with the most terrified look on her face. She was alone in a room full of people. Without even thinking I walked over and sat at her head and took hold of her hand.
This was it.
This was the moment every ounce of doubt rushed out of my body.
This was the moment I had been praying for.
Because in that moment my instincts took over and the nurse I am meant to be came through.
Sarah the Nurse Extern or Student Nurse would have never taken a step without asking permission, but Sarah the Labor & Delivery nurse did.
And in that moment every tear, late night, early morning, and threat to march into the nursing office and submit my resignation (this happened more than I would like to admit) was worth it.
So yes, I’m leaving the country for 11 months on a non-medical related mission trip.
but YES, I am still going to be a Nurse when I return, and one day Lord willing a Midwife.
because my heart doesn’t have just one passion, but many, and when I write them out, they link together in the most beautiful calling that only the Lord could intricately orchestrate.
