Last summer I spent 7 amazing weeks working for Camp Twin Lakes. I got to be part of powering transformative camps for children of special populations. These past few weeks at Camp Aranzazu have been filled with new experiences and moments words can’t describe. I have worked with children who have kidney disease, type 1 diabetes, asthma, epilepsy, children in need, children exploring the local community, muscular dystrophy, adults with intellectual disabilities, and families affected by domestic violence. Being in Texas has been one of the most interesting summers of my life. I can’t help but smile knowing that my co-workers and I are giving these children and families the world. Since arriving in Texas I have been in my element and loving every moment of it. The past few weeks God has turned my challenges into triumphs, allowed me to overcome mental barriers and is teaching me how to deal with my anger. I am so excited to share with you my most recent understandings.
Camp Aranzazu services campers who face a multitude of different disabilities, illnesses, and/or life challenges. The past few weeks of anger and bitterness have taken over me. Affliction doesn’t teach you about yourself from a textbook; it teaches you from experience. God takes our failures, our tears, and our triumphs, and turns them into a glorious harmony. The noise of affliction destroyed His magnificent melody in my life. I sought God in the stillness and He filled my heart with divine music until affliction took over once again. Learning how to deal with my anger and bitterness has created an irresistible melody that lingers in my hear throughout the day.
I was a newbie to Camp Aranzazu this summer. Josh was the very first activity leader I met. He welcomed me with open arms from the moment we met. June 26th was so unreal for Josh and the rest of the Camp Aranzazu staff. He was admitted into the hospital. Previously he had a kidney transplant. After 11 years his kidney failed. On June 27th Josh had a catheter put into his neck and began hemodialysis. I had so much anger towards God because I didn’t understand why He would do this to Josh when there are billions of other people. Josh is the type of person that gives these campers and families the world week in and week out. Yet he also deserves the world. Little did I know God was using this trial in His story for Josh’s life.
I want to take this opportunity to thank all of the partners, campers, and families who have contributed to making my camp season great. Working with these populations has kept me sane this summer. I am so appreciative of their sympathetic smiles walking past them. I love how they can make me every emotion possible at the end of the day and debrief. Some of their circumstances and situations are the most infuriating things I have ever experienced. There are days I ask myself “is this real life?” On multiple occasions, I felt like I was barely keeping my head above water trying to understand why God would choose these specific kids to have disabilities, illnesses, and/or life challenges. These campers and families are the best version of their self every day. We have such a short time to make a difference in their life. The impact they make on me in such a short time will last forever. God taught me sometimes its easier to wrap something around your head rather than wrapping your head around something.
One of the first steps in dealing with our anger is admitting that we are angry. That sounds so simple. It isn’t. Instead of admitting that we are angry, we explain away our fury by using the excuse that we are simply upset. Admitting our anger doesn’t mean giving that anger free reign. We must harness anger by pondering. It literally means “to deliberately examine, to contemplate or to weigh” and is the picture of a revolving door.
When anger struck, I learned to gain control of my thoughts, contemplate them, and examine them from every angle and every side before expressing them. It is totally impossible to control anger without the power of God at work in our heart and lives. Through my experiences, I realized the most effective way to harness our anger is to postpone it until I am ready to handle it in a healthy way. Satan constantly strikes the fire of anger in me with his lies and half-truths. Anger is a consuming and malignant emotion if left unchecked. I have prayed that anger will have no power over God’s irresistible melody as I choose to confront and deal with anger in a healthy way.
God has uniquely placed each person at Camp Aranzazu in my life for a specific reason. He is allowing each and every individual to help me become the person I am. Their purpose is for myself and others to see their heart. These individuals can’t always be the star but have much more meaning than the surface level allows us to see. Without interacting with these populations I wouldn’t have stopped to learn my anger for them would be a blessing to me. God has used every single population as an inspiration for me to become more educated and begin to advocate for them. He has given me beautiful hands to touch others. I am assured that while I am using my hands to help others, He is moving His hands in all areas of my life. So I continue to reach out to the world.
We are flawed, but not fatally. We are not the sum of what we do, but the product of how we are loved by Jesus. Love pours out of us because Love came for us and concurred all. He taught. He led. He bled. He died. He was buried. He rose to heaven. For us. I will never forget how beautiful the final picture is.
