There is a worship song that I love by Will Reagan. The lyrics say, “there’s nothing I hold onto” over and over. Every time I listen to or sing this song it gets me thinking. What am I holding onto? Am I truly coming to the foot of the cross with hands wide open ready to receive what Christ has for me?
If I am really honest with myself, most days the answer is no. I am holding on so tightly to so many things. I am holding onto fears and doubts. I am holding onto expectations for my future. I am holding onto insecurities. God has been challenging me to let go and give it all up to him.
Letting go is terrifying. Part of me doesn’t want to let go because all of these things I am holding onto give me a perceived sense of security. Fully letting go and trusting that God has everything in His hands is not easy. I would love to say that I always trust that God has my best interest in mind, but sometimes I doubt. I have to remind myself over and over that I am serving a good Father who knows the deepest desires of my heart.
I have learned after about two and a half years of walking with Jesus that His plan is always better than my own. When I lay down my own pride and my own agenda and come to the Father with open hands to receive, the gifts He gives me are beyond my wildest imagination. Two years ago I would have never imagined myself in Mongolia leading a team of six people, yet here I am.
I would not trade where I am right now for anything, yet sometimes I get trapped in the comparison game. I compare myself to people my age who are getting married and starting careers and even starting families. I start to think that maybe I should be doing that too. But then God reminds me that this life that I am living is so fulfilling and that my life doesn’t have to look like those around me. I am so beyond blessed to be where I am today and I have to be reminded of that.
Letting go is a process and it’s not an easy one, but God is faithful through it all. I know that I need to come to him daily with arms wide open. If I hold onto things that I want then I’m not allowing space to grab onto the things the Father is wanting to give me. So in the words of Will Reagan, “I give it all to you God trusting that you’ll make something beautiful out of me.”
