We visited an orphanage our last day of ministry on the race. We had church with the kids then just hung out with them as they ate lunch. Before I left the church building I had a little one in my arms.
I interacted with other kids as I held her, switching arms when the weight began to get too much. She simply laid her head on my shoulder.
I danced with the others. I laughed. We talked about our favorite stories in the Bible. The girls talked about Joseph, Moses and Daniel. And still she rested.
Another girl came to try to take her away and she refused to let go. Not even at the offer of food.
Her little arms tucked themselves in close between us as her forehead rested on my shoulder.
Soon many mouths were too full of a vitamin-enriched rice mixture for much interaction. So I sat. She moved closer.
For almost the whole time I was there she remained curled into me.
I never saw her smile. She didn’t utter a word. But I knew she didn’t want to leave. She simply wanted to rest.
A deep part of my heart was reached as I allowed myself to just be still with her.
I couldn’t help but begin singing over her. Many songs but the one I kept coming back to was:
This is what it means to be held
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we’d be held
Here this little girl, maybe 4 years old lost her family in the South Sudan. Was placed in an orphanage that all too soon become dangerous itself and had to move to Uganda to protect its wards. This orphanage has been in the Refugee settlement for the last 3 years.
But in those moments, I knew she felt the love of the Spirit. The comfort and the peace that changes the atmosphere where He is.
God also gave me a glimpse into His heart for her. And in turn His heart for every single one of His children, including myself.
I love her.
Beyond words.
The way she touched my heart, I was undone.
She didn’t say a word to me.
She didn’t ask for anything.
She didn’t give me anything.
But she wanted to be with me.
That’s it.
That’s all.
That’s what He wants.
To simply spend time holding us. In whatever mood we are in. Wether we want to laugh with Him. Or just cry in His arms. Or to simply tuck our heads into His neck, close our eyes and rest.
This is what it means to held.
PS the song is Held by Natalie Grant
