I got the best advice from a F squader. F squad goes home in a few days as they are now at final debrief.
One of them said to pursue the difficult relationship. Pursue those who are hard to love. I thought I knew who God was speaking to my heart to pursue.
I was wrong. – well, I’m still going to pursue that person too, but I realized due to her lack of interest and being more physical than most in her refusal, there is a resident of our house who spends most days inside while the rest of us sit outside or go to the ballcourt. We tried for the first week but I let her fall trough the cracks because it was hard.
She fell last week and I found her. She was on the floor and a pool of blood was slowly growing around her head. I was terrified. I yelled for the Tias who had been outside doing laundry.
One came in and after grabbing a towel for her head I ran for the on-site nurse. They checked her out and took her to the hospital. She was back the next morning.
She’s fine but it made me realize she is one we – or maybe just I – am scared to interact with.
She might hit you at any moment, or fall and hit her head again. She will fight to stay by herself. She will walk in the direction opposite the one you are trying to lead her in. She will fight you on the walk outside but once she is out, soaking up the sun – she dances.
How many times is that me with God?
God, I don’t want to go, I fight, I try to stay secluded inside where it is dark but it is known and it is safe.
Another F squander told me to resolve to say yes to everything that scares you – anything you are remotely scared or intimidated by.
It’s a double meaning here y’all. I’m scared of falling in love with yet another resident whom I will have to say goodbye to in a week. I’m scared that she will be hurt again, and this time instead of being able to distance myself from the blame I will have to own it (don’t worry this ownership blog will come out shortly). But fear is just a sign we should press forward.
It’s not a spirit of the Lord and is usually what we have to walk through to get to what Jesus has for us. “For He did not give us a spirit or fear or timidity but of power, love and discipline.”
Today I fought to bring her outside. And we are dancing. It’s beautiful. Everyone else went to the ballcourt. And it’s perfect because God has provided a space for me to intentionally pursue her. And let her know without a shadow of a doubt that she is being pursued – not just by me but by God.
We are reading Song of Songs (in Spanish), the love letter of God to His bride. I recommend it in The Passion Translation for you English speakers. (You can get it on the Bible App You Version if you don’t want to buy it, but you’ll probably want to buy it…)
“Toda tú eres bella, amada mía; no hay en ti defecto alguno.”
Cantares 4:7 NVI
“Every part of you is so beautiful, my darling. Perfect is your beauty, without flaw within.” Song of Songs 4:7 TPT
Listen to the Father saying that over you today.
Then imagine Jesus speaking it to your heart.
Now picture the Holy Spirit whispering it over your soul.
