Here’s something I have been learning over the past few days:
Some battles can only be won if you allow someone else to fight them for you.
As a fiercely independent person naturally, this is uncomfortable for me to admit. Why? It admits that I am insufficient and unable to fix everything on my own. It admits that even if I give something my absolute best effort, it may remain unmoved and impossible.
Some battles I’m fighting I have fought for many years. Regarding one in particular, I have creatively schemed “solutions” for it for over a decade, convincing myself that each solution was a step closer to the right direction. This week, I have been hit with the hard truth that I wasn’t walking in the right direction… In fact, I wasn’t walking anywhere. I was caught on a hamster wheel, running faster and harder, so sure that progress was being made that I was utterly blinded to how stagnant I was. However, hindsight is 20/20. Now I see that each time my willpower broke, I found myself in the same place again- right where I started.
Now, how hopeless would that be if, as this truth was revealed to me, Jesus didn’t also whisper to me how to win this battle? I would have been devastated.
Here’s what He told me:
First, my mind and willpower need to be aligned for real change to happen. There was a part of my mind that was still unconvinced on what the truth was in this area (I severely downplayed the consequences of my actions), which allowed for failure each time willpower ran out. I needed to close the gap of indecision.
Second, if I could have fixed this area in my life alone, I would have done it by now. I stubbornly tried literally everything I could think of to control this battle over the course of the past ten years… And while I have had seasons of success, no change I made proved to be permanent or even remotely sustainable.
Third, He reminded me just how faithful He is, and how much He loves me. He has cared for, fixed up, and returned in a brand-new fashion every single area of my life that I have ever given Him. He told me it would be His honor to do it again because I am His beloved daughter.
Fourth, I have permission to surrender and stop fighting this battle because He will fight it for me. Because this has been such a draining and excruciating battle over the course of a decade, I actually breathed the most honest sigh of relief I have ever breathed. I actually felt the burden being taken off my shoulders as He started carrying it for me.
Fifth, if I lean into Him via Biblical meditation every single day, I will then have the power and the weapon I need to overcome this permanently. It’s as if, in the middle of a storm, He is saying “stop looking around. Look at me… right at me. I promise you will succeed. Just stay focused on me, and I will get you through this easily. I don’t want you caught here anymore. I’m here so you can live life abundantly, and I intend to keep that promise if you will just see me.”
He’s calling me to focus on His Word day and night… that’s it. That’s the key to victory.
And I’m okay with that. As I meditate on Scripture, He will fight my battle. As I remember the things He said, I will learn to yield the sword of the Spirit. As I process each passage throughout the day, I will come to know Him and see the world how He sees it. I’m ready to finally be victorious.
So, today I choose to recognize my desperation for independence as a set-up for destruction. I surrender trying to win this alone. I submit authority over this situation to Jesus. And I believe if I approach each day like this, He will keep His promise that I will prosper in all that I do.
No more complicated, time-consuming, temporary “solutions!” No more crazy schemes on how to succeed on my own! This week, I’m learning to keep it simple… I’m learning to focus on Scripture and let Him do the rest.
