This past christmas we spent the week in Memphis, Tennessee. I was born in Memphis but we had to move to Wichita so my dad could get a job. Anyways, we don’t normally go home for christmas but we did this year. I was laying on the couch in one of my favorite rooms in the house. This was the nice room. When all the cousins were little we weren’t allowed to play in there because even though my grandbe and grandaddy’s house was so kid proof it was incredible, they had one room dedicated to expensive glass pieces, fancy furniture, old books, a nice piano, and really anything spectacular you can think of was probably in this room. This room is very open though. The room has two giant gaps in either wall one facing the long green hallway and the other facing the entrance hall where people would go in it. It was neighbors with the dining room, ironically where us cousins and family spent a massive amount of time in and everyone was welcome. Well, I’m older now and this room is no longer off limits because I don’t have fragile hands. This past week in Wichita everything has been a world wind rollercoaster with everyone coming home and school being over but right there, on the couch the time definitely stopped.
This house is called Sweetgum Hall because of all the sweet gum trees that grow in the front of the house. This house is large and I like listening to stories about when it was first built. My grandaddy paid cash for the land and built from the ground up that’s why the floor plan is so unique. This house has more memories then any place i’ve ever been to. It smells like my grandmother and fresh wood chips.
My grandparents will sell this house one day. The season of our lives are changing, I guess that’s what happens when everyone starts to get older. I grew up in this house. My cousins and I would run around everywhere. We had a hundred different imaginary cities and lost villages covering every inch of that house. I had a cousin named Clay, he was the closest in age to my brother and I. My mom was significantly younger then her brother and sister so our family has the youngest age kids out of the whole rabble of cousins. One story that always sticks out in my brain is during a summer, my brother, Clay, and I would play hide and seek around the house. The best hiding place was under the stairs but under the stairs was covered in plants and cobwebs so the only person brave enough to go back there was the boys. I am deathly afraid of spiders, so under the stairs was not an option for me. I would always hide in one of the front hall closets but i didn’t mind because it smelled exactly like home. That day though, I uncharacteristically went and hid in my grandparents large bathroom closet and through the course of the afternoon all three of us ended up spending most of the play time just sitting, time stopped. I think at the that moment we didn’t know why but it was because it felt like safety and God was making a memory for us.
In March of this last year I got a tattoo that said “find joy in all season.” I don’t process change well. The times are changing and I’m no longer able to crawl into my parents bed at night. My grandparents and everyone for that matter are growing up. I struggle more with the concept of time and how fleeting it is then anything else in my life. The idea that you never know how much you have left, you’re time on earth is fleeting. Its frightening and I’ve had to become comfortable with the uncertainty that each day brings.
Psalm 16:11
“you will show me the way of life, granting me the joy of your presence and the pleasures of living with you forever.”
Psalm 119
“Joyful are people of integrity, who follow the instructions of the Lord. Joyful are those who obey his laws and search for him with all their hearts. They do not compromise with evil, and they walk only in his paths.”
Proverbs 16:20
“Those who listen to instruction will prosper; those who trust the Lord will be joyful.”
Nothing but the blood of jesus can feed your joyfulness. I define joyfulness as being rooted in Christ. I struggle with this as well, I was very unhappy for a long time, in absolutely every aspect of my life. Over the summer I received a plate with a single word. The staff at the camp I was staying at had prayed over everyone of us, taken our plates, and written one thing that came to their hearts while we spent time with the lord. I got the word “rooted” I’ve never in my life thought of my self as a rooted person. I can’t stay committed to one thing for very long, I struggle with indecisiveness and I can’t be in one place/situation for too long but for some reason this group of people chose to put rooted on my board. To this day I still feel like I’m moving in slow motion but still everything is going faster then I’d like. My grandparents are older, my aunts and uncles are empty nesters, my cousins are having babies, my sister is driving soon, my parents have more wisdom lines and the days go by a little different. Everyday is a battle, I’m working hard to feed my joyfulness and stay rooted in the things I can control so the things I can’t will be more something I experience and Less of something I mourn.
Sweetgum hall, won’t be here forever. I won’t be here forever. No one will be here forever but the idea that everyone has their own unique story and purpose comforts me. I have felt deeper then I ever have this past semester. I felt an insane amount of joy, sorrow, love, hope, and surrender. I wanna see what life looks like through God’s eyes because I’ve seen change in my own. “Find God in all seasons” God will do more for you if you trust that he’s the master of such a grand plan. I am apprehensive because I am human, but I am more ready then i’ve ever been for anything.
God be with you, sweet friends!!!
PS need a fun reminder of some joy Listen to Joy by Jonny Diaz
Click the link:)
