I believe isolation is one of the enemy’s most powerful weapon so I would love to open my heart and be transparent about a few things I’m dealing with. After all, we are in this journey together. I’m asking each of you to join me in praying as I seek God’s wisdom among my current trials and push to deepen my faith. WARNING, it’s a little long but I’m asking for your help if you can find the time to read it all the way through.
Let’s get down to business… I AM IN A TOUGH SEASON.
While it may be super hard at moments, it’s also so, so good. I’d even go as far to say I’m glad I’m walking through this trial because I’m learning to further depend and trust in the Lord (but that’s not always my initial thought and I have to fight for this attitude most days). I am definitely going to have to trust in God every single day on the World Race so no better time to get better than now.
Right now my church is going through the book of James verse by verse. I know that the timing isn’t a coincidence because God isn’t a God of coincidence, chance, or luck; He is sovereign over ALL things (all-powerful, all-knowing, present everywhere at all times). If you’re unfamiliar with the book of James, it’s not often the most favorite book in the Bible, commonly described as uncomfortable and tough. It is crucial to a mature Christian lifestyle, and it doesn’t sugar coat, it’s real and honest, and that’s why I love it.
So, why is this season hard? You ask. If I had to describe it in just three words, I would use loneliness, overwhelmed, and fearful (please join me in praying against these).
- I think loneliness is the hardest because I just don’t get or understand it. I’m surrounded by an amazing community and friends but somehow I still feel alone. Somedays I have to fight to leave my bedroom, which if you know me, that is super bizarre since I’m extremely extrovert and love being with people.
- Overwhelmed seems to fit my day-to-day life. Anything from school work to fundraising, making bracelets, worrying about health issues in my family or just simply missing them, and everything in between. I feel like I’m drowning. Specifically pray that I run to the Lord in these times of distress.
- Last but not least, fear. Since I started this blog by saying I was going to be completely honest with you, that’s what I am going to do… Honestly, I’m almost as scared as I am excited for the World Race! I feel inadequate like maybe I don’t have what it takes, which I am inadequate in my own strength but God tells us he will never leave nor forsake us, so I know I won’t be doing it alone. I’m fearful about being away from everyone I love. I’m worried about being gone for 11-months. Sometimes, I worry about safety. I fear missing out on big life events like my sister’s high school graduation, a whole year of my three year old sister’s life, weddings, my friend’s college graduations, and you name it. I could probably continue to list my worries and fears but I don’t want to dwell on them, I want to fight them.
2 Timothy tells us “for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. Therefore do not be ashamed of the testimony about our Lord, but share in suffering for the gospel by the power of God, who saved us and called us to a holy calling, not because of our works but because of his own purpose and grace, which he gave us in Christ Jesus before the ages began…which is why I suffer as I do. But I am not ashamed, for I know whom I have believed, and I am convinced that he is able to guard until that day what has been entrusted to me.” v.7-9, 12
I don’t know the exact reasoning behind each of these struggles but God knows and he has a purpose for them. The enemy is going to do everything in his power to convince me otherwise. Think with me, I’m about to devote 11-months of my life to travel the world to spread the love and hope of the gospel with lost, broken people. The enemy is outraged. Why wouldn’t he try to feed me lies to try and stop this from happening? He has nothing to lose by trying, but I have everything to gain in Jesus Christ. I can consider this time pure joy (James 1:2) because trials remind me that I’m living for a reward.
Going through a struggle doesn’t mean I’m unhappy with my life, it just means I have to choose to fight for joy and find my hope in God when the world points the opposite way. I’m thankful for my community and family, and the encouragement they bring to my life. I’m grateful for the opportunities to attend a university, be apart of serving with an amazing ministry, and to have all my needs met.
Thank you for letting me be real with you, and for praying for me as I walk through this season and as I prepare for the World Race. I love each of you dearly!
xoxo, Morgan
If you want to hear more about this journey, please contact me. I would love to talk with you.
