Lately, I’ve been reading through my journal from the beginning, looking back on how I started the Race and fully realizing how much I’ve grown in these past months with everything I’ve seen and learned. One entry in particular goes back to December when I was in El Salvador. On the World Race we have team times every day, and these can look like anything: watching a movie, worshipping, just taking the time to get to know each other. One team time, we took a Psalm from the Bible and rewrote it in our own words and read them to each other. It was a way to see how the other person understands what certain passages are saying. I went with my favorite chapter that I read over and over again when I went through years of struggle when dealing with my abuse: Psalm 139.
“Father, you have sought me out and understand me.
You know my falls and victories. You know where my mind wanders. You cover my path and my resting place. You know all I do.
I have no words, but you know as if I’d spoken them.
You have been behind me and in front of me and touched me in comfort.
This knowledge overwhelms me. It is so deep, I can only tread the surface.
Where can I go from you? Where could I possibly run?
In perfection, there you are. In the deepest darkness, I also can find you.
If I could fly or reside in the deepest waters, even then you would never be far from me, always ready to hold me.
When I believe darkness comes over me, even still the night is still bright.
Darkness cannot hide from you, and the night is just as bright as the day. They are the same to you.
You have already laid out my path, even before I was born.
I sing to you, because I’ve been perfectly made. You are a magnificent creator and I know this within my soul.
There is not a part of me hidden from you, even when I was made behind closed doors.
You see my worth, even in my imperfection. I have been written in your book.
I cherish your thoughts toward me, Father.
I’m unable to count them, for no matter what I’m with you.”
